Hmm. Based on some of the responses here, I'm thinking that perhaps I didn't articulate myself very well. So, a couple of clarifying statements:
First, at no point did I intend to advocate blind obedience, nor to suggest that children shouldn't be told why they are being told to do something. I am always willing to discuss rules in advance or at a later time and often, when a consequence is needed, my kids are part of determining what that should be.
Second, the word obedience seems to connote mindless, fear based compliance. It is not my intent to suggest that that is a good trait to develop in children (or in adults). That appears to be the way in which my original post was interpreted. I'll have to think about a clearer way to communicate what I mean, although at the moment I can't figure out how to reword it.... I guess the achilles heel of online conversation is that we read each others' words in the absence of any schema about who we are as people.
Third, I did not intend to imply that children should not question. In reality, there is little I value more than honest questioning, and we have always encouraged honest questioning by our children. My comments were directed at what I believed the original post pertained to--the basic rules and expectations that have been set and explained, but are frequently questioned and challenged "in the moment" and subjected to endless attempts at negotiation or end runs.
I think part of the problem I'm having here, is that I am trying to share my thinking without sharing illustrative examples. Unfortunately, the examples I would share don't belong to me, so I'm left with words that are clearly...not clear
.
This is probably a discussion I just need to bow out of gracefully. Really, I believe that we all just have to do what we feel is best for our kids in the both the short term and the long term. No doubt we will all make mistakes along the way, but if we parent with an eye not only to benefitting our children, but also to growing the quality of our community, then perhaps we will all at least do well enough.
Apologies to anyone I offended.
