Thanks for the explanation Dude. I was telling another mom about the incident and she just shrugged her shoulders. DH was listening nearby and interjected "Well of course you have to check it!" The other mom and I just exchanged blank looks. Umm...yeah... gender differences...
The rest of the week in school went well and leader of the rowdy behavior earned "Friday reward" for the first time all year so I am guessing new meds will make a difference for everyone. DD was proud of him and recognized how hard it must be for him to not always be able to fully control his behavior. She also acknowledged feeling a bit guilty for getting rewards for behavior that comes so easily to her when her friends find it so difficult. She really has a heart of gold... She made a comparison to dominoes - if this boy acts up he gets the next one going on down the line. When he is behaving better "it makes it easier for each of the others to keep standing. Well except for the little boys - they don't need anyone to knock them over, They just sort of do it on their own."
Last night was DD's surprise slumber party and it was a huge success. Doing each others hair, nails and make up while talking about "how stupid boys are" alternately with who they had crushes on - a totally "girly night" if ever there was one. Her friends sympathized with DD being the only girl in school and one even said "So that's why we're here tonight - huh?" and went on to explain that even though in her class girls outnumber the boys by more than 2 to 1 the boys are still rowdy and can be difficult to handle.
I think instead of a big party we will do a couple more small get togethers with special friends - including 2 close boy friends and their sisters. OK so she won't be able to include everyone but her birthday will be acknowledged and she'll have time with boys who she is very fond of. That should also help with getting over the idea that all boys are alike. Interestingly before this she had an amazing ability to compartmentalize - she loved the kids even if she hated their behavior sometimes. That is such an amazing skill - I hope she can recapture it.
Oh and I was going to talk to her about loosening up and laughing if she felt like it but she said she has been instructed not to. "No really mom we're not supposed to laugh. We really can't encourage that behavior. We're supposed to encourage them to do the right thing," For better or for worse she is a role model and takes it very seriously.
