BUT-- attribution and understanding (that boys often use different relational/communication strategies, and that those boys who are in the educational placement described may, in fact, have
additional challenges which make more, um, girl-friendly interactions difficult) isn't necessarily the same thing as saying "boys will be boys."
At all.
I understand where you are coming from, Jeni, and I think that Dude does as well. BUT, at the possible risk of offending you both, perhaps-- this is a classic example of the communication differences which often persist into adulthood between persons of different genders. Dude's response clearly read as "brusque" to you, and I suspect that to him, it was just "direct" or maybe "no-nonsense," rather than abrasive. Had it been directed at me, however, I'd have responded much as you did.
He very probably saw your statement (which was also completely understandable in terms of the content of the thread, fwiw) as emotionally-driven and overly reliant upon connotative reading of the statements made. Which is also somewhat valid.
The suggestion was not so much about saying that the behavior itself is okay-- but to note that
escalating in response to it isn't a good idea, and that the Jane Goodall approach is a more reasonable and less volatile coping method. IMO, of course. It
also isn't my daughter's job to "civilize" her male peers by telling them precisely what she thinks of such antics, if you see what I mean.
I certainly hope that nobody who has posted within this thread actually assumes that all boys behave the way that the OP described!! I know a number of BOYS who would have been just as appalled by that behavior as the OP's daughter was, in fact. I'm assuming that Jeni's sons are probably in that group, too, going by her reaction.
