incog,
I completely know how you feel when you're in middle ground mode--it's constant re-evaluation, creative thought (double checking that you're neglecting needs and ways to address them). I try to plant ideas with my kids of possibilities, not that I necessarily would pursue, but so they give it thought and maybe figure out something they wanna do.
The whole story was very moving and I feel sorry for both mom & kid. Mom could have believed she was working her butt off to help him, against all the forces (how I feel sometimes). But I think a key message is to keep out of the limelight. Good reason for homeschooling. People don't like to think a kid is extremely smart, especially if they have very smart kids themselves (our counselor and our math teacher seem to always revert to talking about their kids for LONG times, even when we're in official meetings about my kid). I think it makes them want to bring you (me) and my kid "down to earth". Of the teachers & administrators I interact with, they prefer the "secret" smart kids...ones that always were good students, but didn't raise their hand and know everything in class, mom's never made waves or advocated for more or advanced stuff--then one day they take a big test and surprise everyone with amazing scores.
I feel I've actually put my son at a disadvantage in high school by advocating for him. Everyone labeled me "pushy mom" and thought of my kid as poor victim (of course he was the one who asked for help because everything was so "stupid").
