You've received great advice above - I have just one thing to add that I don't think has been mentioned - our very strong-willed dd becomes 10 times more strong-willed and unwilling to compromise when she's hungry - you might watch and see if there's any correlation with hunger for your ds. Our dd doesn't realize she's hungry when she's out of control, but if we are able to get her to even take a nibble of a granola bar etc she regains control and can calm down relatively quickly (quickly for her lol! - all relatively speaking :D).
It seems to be worse at home (especially this summer?!) but can be an issue at camps, etc.
The other thing is age-related and gifted-related behavior possibilities. It's just my take on this (parenting a strong-willed child) - but if you've had note made of this type of behavior outside of home, I'd be inclined to attribute it to something more than just age-related. While it's true that many children this age may still be working through how to control behaviors like this - most of them (out of the sample I've seen) are starting to work through it and make progress. If a school or camp staff person (especially if it's more than one setting or more than one person) is telling you there is a challenge, then I'd listen and not be quick to assume it's just age-related. There are, of course, 900 million other things it might be
so I wouldn't over-think it either. Try to work through different strategies to see if anything helps (geez.. that sounds like totally lame advice, doesn't it?).
I share your frustration with counselors - we've had a few different situations with our kids where we've hoped to use a counselor and just haven't been able to find a situation where personality fit. It's really tough knowing where to invest your time/money.
Best wishes,
polarbear
