Just my experience...
Written schedules (added pictures when my kid was too young to read) that include tasks for morning routine and evening routine.
Place high preference activities after low preference activities (peas before ice cream, brush teeth before iPad gets moved from the charger, wash hands before lunch, etc.)
Then I totally had to make sure that my kid got enough...enough of exercise, food/water, sleep, and mental stimulation:
I totally had could tell if my boys had missed a window when a snack would have kept the grumpies/impulsive behavior away.
We started instituting an hour during the summer after lunch quiet time (could be spent sleeping, reading, playing with toys with no noise and not electronic) on bed in separate rooms. Saves my sanity and allows for everyone to regroup.
We go to the library about 3 times a week for constant book turnover. Plus math work book and various websites. My son voluntarily wrote a huge persuasive essay extolling the virtues of a Wii. He thinks he can convince me because his older brother did it over a year ago about a dog and we ended up getting one. He wrote a second essay about something else...completely on his own fiction topic.
Other tools I use are the kitchen timer and stopwatch...my kids see me use it for reminding me on things and I have them use it to self regulate too. Do these 3 chores, then 20 minutes (timer) on the iPad, take the dog on a nice long walk around the neighborhood, then read some (sometimes they set the timer sometimes they just read until they are tired), etc. Sometimes we use the timer as a "beat the timer" game. Or we stopwatch time how long does it take to unload and load the dishwasher as kind of a data gathering task.
I feel like I had to become a real good expert on my kids and just what set them off and then organize the environment to have the least number of set offs as possible. With one melt down a day...it is easy to work through it and use it as a teachable moment. With melt downs all day long...well it made for one long dang day and felt like I was just treading water. Now my kids get what they need and actually know what their need it and will tell me...I just need some (space, rest, food, etc.)
