Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Impulse control and the strong willed child

I know where you are coming from. I agree with many that this is a pretty common problem.

I tend to write out my expectations for morning routines, or a daily chore list, etc. If I write it out, DC is much less likely to talk back or try to negotiate every single thing and if one forgets, one can just consult the list. (When they are a bit older, better yet, have them write it out or type it up on the computer.)

I do take away screen time or devices as a consequence, but only for a day. I think kids need opportunities to succeed, and that typically starts new every day. We talk about consequences ahead of time too, so they aren't unexpected. Such as, if you ride your bike without a helmet, you may not ride again till tomorrow.

Not taking mouthy talk personally and not engaging in any arguing, back n forth, etc, until later when everyone is calm. Very important and it works! Don't let them push your buttons, they might do it on purpose to get you riled up for their own entertainment. If you need to step away, do so, because that is good role modeling for your child on how to deal with things.

Above all, the most important thing is Praise for good behavior, improvement or being seen working hard on something. Praising the child to your spouse within earshot of your child is awesome too.

I must have read at least 15 parenting books and tried charts and rewards etc to no avail. The praise and reasonable and immediate consequences work better and seem more respectful to the child and family. Can't remember what book that was in.

Good luck! It will get better.

PS, I also agree with those who are saying that you need to know your kids and maximize success by creating a good environment. By that, for me, it means making sure they are fed, well-rested, not too busy with activities, etc. We talk about that, too, and pause sometimes to make sure those needs are met if things are getting out of control.