To give you some feedback, long lectures are not at all advisable, banning devices for extended periods, I don't find, to be effective. I struggled with this behavior in my children too, but I really am quite good at managing almost anything that comes my way because of the book that I posted above.
Good to know. We are not sure about the devices. He absolutely loves apps and games, but we see worse behavior (and a lot of "can I use it again???") the minute they are out of his hands, which doesn't exactly make us think they are doing him any favors. It would certainly be easier to just let him play those more often.
We've also found that (gently) limiting electronics more naturally (as in-- look, you have these other things to do-- time to set that aside for a bit) has generally resulted in MUCH better emotional regulation.
DD was usually more mouthy than physical in her outbursts, but she can really be challenging.
Here's the other thing to bear in mind, though-- are you VERY VERY sure that you aren't placing expectations of development on your child which are more in line with their
cognitive developmental level and not their emotional or chronological one?
That is, I'm not sure that the behavior is all that atypical for 7yo children-- of either gender. They DO tend to have poor impulse control at this age. Period.
At 9 or 10, not as much. But it's
so hard to remember that an HG 7yo is still just...
seven. KWIM?
Particularly when the mouth on that child is making you think "fourteen" rather than "seven." (Oy. I feel anyone's pain in THAT regard.)
We tried all manner of extrinsic reward systems over the years. The bottom line is that DD regards all such systems as made to be broken, and inherently
manipulative. She has always responded that way-- with defiance and even WORSE behavior. Maybe she is right. I don't know-- I guess it's a matter of perspective, but it
is a little like operant conditioning rather than behavioral shaping with a
full partner, when you get right down to it.
With such a child, I say--
ditch those reward and punishment systems. NOW. Do not look back, do not listen to how well they work for others. Trust yourself and be secure in the knowledge that in spite of what others think, they will NOT work with the child YOU are parenting.
My DD was, even at 4-5yo, very much her own little person. When she was "good" it was difficult to even fathom the kind of behavior she was capable of dishing out when she was bad. Truly. She saved that kind of behavior for me (and to a lesser extent, her other parent). The hardest part about that was that it was so lonely as a parent-- I could tell that others who SAW her in various settings were bemused by our apparent raggedness, in light of this delightful compliant and helpful child THEY got to see.
No real advice other than waiting it out and using
natural consequences-- and explaining them.
