I feel for you- here's something that happened yesterday if it sounds familiar. DS7 great day, all day, except:
At bedtime, he had to be told five times to brush teeth, power struggle, DS impulsively threw the toothbrush, and called me a name (he did this after we explained there would be consequences for not listening). After 12 hours of consistently good behavior, he lost today's privileges for a situation that lasted under a minute.
I think you're getting excellent advice on how to handle your situation- we struggle too. When DS was younger, our home life could be frankly unpleasant between the emotional outbursts, tantrums, defiance, and impulsive behavior.
While I certainly think you might explore this with a professional, particularly if your son is acting out frequently in other venues, it doesn't seem all that unusual. We have 4 or 5 friends with gifted children, and most have been a major challenge in this regard (strong willed, emotional, impulsive).
You might consider underlying emotional challenges- mine doesn't switch gears easily, and if he's tired, will become fixated and defiant. He also freezes up then blows if he senses we are frustrated with him-because he's unwilling to act out in school, he may become withdrawn and tearful if he is corrected or reprimanded. His mind is moving all the time, and he wants constant feedback on his "projects' and answers to his constant of questions. His feelings get hurt if we insist that he be independent- he responds by pestering because he feels insecure if we're not 100% focused on him.
All of this can look a lot like ADD, I think it's asynchrocity and immaturity- and more pronounced in an intense, gifted personality. It is also anxiety- anecdotally, a common trait in gifted kids.
Yes. I have read this, too (I have read quite a bit, trying to figure out DD, actually). I tend to believe much of what I see is asynchrony and some its frustration, as well as giftedness. No, not ALL bright kiddos are exactly like this, either (DS is very bright, but seems wired differently - also, interestingly, has a much better WM, which I theorize could relate to EF/impulse control). This profile, though, does not seem uncommon in very bright kiddos, though. In no way do I EXCUSE DD's behavior, but I try to understand her and coach her towards better ways of dealing with her frustration.
