DS7 seems to struggle with what I think most would call impulse control. It seems to be worse at home (especially this summer?!) but can be an issue at camps, etc. He is very strong willed and nothing I try seems to really help. It is worse when he is at loose ends. Examples... Throwing his stuffed animals at me as I leave his room, kicking over his brother's toys, elbowing me at church. He is usually sorry but only after punishment and or a long lecture. We have basically banned computer/iPad use for the foreseeable future.

Has anyone had success in teaching better control without a complex rewards system? It is causing a lot of stress...

Is he hyperactive as well? If so I'd consider an ADHD assessment. (not everyone with ADHD has impulse issues, for example those who mainly have troubles focusing. But there is one subtype where impulsivity and hyperactivity are the main symptoms).

I have found this book to be invaluable in dealing with my strong willed children (and strong willed adults too): http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0770436595?pc_redir=1406967840&robot_redir=1

Basically, to be effective, you have to not take the behavior personally, make immediate consequences, make the consequences as natural as possible and be consistent, consistent, consistent.

He doesn't seem to be hyperactive. When he had his assessment (he's PG), the center didn't think they saw signs of any second E (they are pretty experienced in that regard). They did note that we should watch his executive functioning and seek assistance if needed. We had a ridiculous experience with a local counselor about two years ago (three visits to meet with him and not a bit of working with him on anything). So I hesitate to head down that road...

To give you some feedback, long lectures are not at all advisable, banning devices for extended periods, I don't find, to be effective. I struggled with this behavior in my children too, but I really am quite good at managing almost anything that comes my way because of the book that I posted above.

Somewhereonearth, thank you. I just reserved it from our local library. We've gone through several parenting books with limited luck. Maybe this one will do the trick.

Good to know. We are not sure about the devices. He absolutely loves apps and games, but we see worse behavior (and a lot of "can I use it again???") the minute they are out of his hands, which doesn't exactly make us think they are doing him any favors. It would certainly be easier to just let him play those more often.

DD9 is extremely strong willed, although I would say her way of acting out is more verbal, than physical. She often "talks back" like a teenager, despite the fact that she is NOT a teen! She looses toys, privileges, goes to time out - and she STILL talks back at home. I would say, overall, she has always been a bit impulsive, although she seems to be controlling this at school (she had a harder time with this at school when younger, as in act first and think later).

DD is intense - everything is BIG with her. Big feelings - whether happy or sad. She can be a blast to be around when she is happy (best big laugh, ever), but when she's not - no fun.

DH and I find ourselves "having serious talks" with her often, but she often just doesn't seem to take them to heart.

One thing that DOES seem to work is praising DS6 within earshot of her for being kind. We do not usually do this on purpose (we are usually just trying to reinforce DS's good behavior), but this DOES seem to make DD stop and think...if only briefly.

I wish I had more suggestions, but we are trying to figure this out, too.

I have no idea if this means anything: when DD took the WISC, she had a very high processing score, combined with an average (but much lower than other scores) working memory. Her reasoning scores are also very high (particularly the VERBAL). I guess why this struck me was how her mouth sometimes moves quicker, than her "pause button." That is, it made me wonder if she is not somehow "wired" to be a quick talker, quick thinker - but perhaps NOT with the best impulse control. Still, we continue to work on it. She is NOT a patient person, and we are trying to teach patience. At times, yes - it is stressful.

I feel for you- here's something that happened yesterday if it sounds familiar. DS7 great day, all day, except:

At bedtime, he had to be told five times to brush teeth, power struggle, DS impulsively threw the toothbrush, and called me a name (he did this after we explained there would be consequences for not listening). After 12 hours of consistently good behavior, he lost today's privileges for a situation that lasted under a minute.

I think you're getting excellent advice on how to handle your situation- we struggle too. When DS was younger, our home life could be frankly unpleasant between the emotional outbursts, tantrums, defiance, and impulsive behavior.

While I certainly think you might explore this with a professional, particularly if your son is acting out frequently in other venues, it doesn't seem all that unusual. We have 4 or 5 friends with gifted children, and most have been a major challenge in this regard (strong willed, emotional, impulsive).

You might consider underlying emotional challenges- mine doesn't switch gears easily, and if he's tired, will become fixated and defiant. He also freezes up then blows if he senses we are frustrated with him-because he's unwilling to act out in school, he may become withdrawn and tearful if he is corrected or reprimanded. His mind is moving all the time, and he wants constant feedback on his "projects' and answers to his constant of questions. His feelings get hurt if we insist that he be independent- he responds by pestering because he feels insecure if we're not 100% focused on him.

All of this can look a lot like ADD, I think it's asynchrocity and immaturity- and more pronounced in an intense, gifted personality. It is also anxiety- anecdotally, a common trait in gifted kids.

We've also found that (gently) limiting electronics more naturally (as in-- look, you have these other things to do-- time to set that aside for a bit) has generally resulted in MUCH better emotional regulation.

DD was usually more mouthy than physical in her outbursts, but she can really be challenging.

Here's the other thing to bear in mind, though-- are you VERY VERY sure that you aren't placing expectations of development on your child which are more in line with their cognitive developmental level and not their emotional or chronological one?

That is, I'm not sure that the behavior is all that atypical for 7yo children-- of either gender. They DO tend to have poor impulse control at this age. Period.

At 9 or 10, not as much. But it's so hard to remember that an HG 7yo is still just... seven. KWIM?

Particularly when the mouth on that child is making you think "fourteen" rather than "seven." (Oy. I feel anyone's pain in THAT regard.)

We tried all manner of extrinsic reward systems over the years. The bottom line is that DD regards all such systems as made to be broken, and inherently manipulative. She has always responded that way-- with defiance and even WORSE behavior. Maybe she is right. I don't know-- I guess it's a matter of perspective, but it is a little like operant conditioning rather than behavioral shaping with a full partner, when you get right down to it.

With such a child, I say-- ditch those reward and punishment systems. NOW. Do not look back, do not listen to how well they work for others. Trust yourself and be secure in the knowledge that in spite of what others think, they will NOT work with the child YOU are parenting.

My DD was, even at 4-5yo, very much her own little person. When she was "good" it was difficult to even fathom the kind of behavior she was capable of dishing out when she was bad. Truly. She saved that kind of behavior for me (and to a lesser extent, her other parent). The hardest part about that was that it was so lonely as a parent-- I could tell that others who SAW her in various settings were bemused by our apparent raggedness, in light of this delightful compliant and helpful child THEY got to see.

No real advice other than waiting it out and using natural consequences-- and explaining them.

Yes. I have read this, too (I have read quite a bit, trying to figure out DD, actually). I tend to believe much of what I see is asynchrony and some its frustration, as well as giftedness. No, not ALL bright kiddos are exactly like this, either (DS is very bright, but seems wired differently - also, interestingly, has a much better WM, which I theorize could relate to EF/impulse control). This profile, though, does not seem uncommon in very bright kiddos, though. In no way do I EXCUSE DD's behavior, but I try to understand her and coach her towards better ways of dealing with her frustration.

DD8 has ADHD and I do attribute many of her outburts to that. So that makes it more difficult to deal with. She also reminds me of a mouthy 14 year old at times, accusing us of being stupid or unreasonable, or whatever. But it's hard to punish something that is the result of a disability or something that she has less control over than "normal" kids, although in most situations there still need to be consequences, or it needs to be turned into a learning experience. One thing that I do when things get out of hand is to tell her to cool off in her room and it's up to her when she is ready to come out. That way the situation is under her control...the second she gets control of herself life can go on as normal. We are not "forcing" a timeout or turning the timeout into a punishment. We tell her that it's not fair for the rest of us to listen to whining, screaming, etc, so it's something she needs to deal with away from other people. Usually when she's done with her fit she wants to talk about whatever made her mad, and this allows her to move on.

Just my experience...

Written schedules (added pictures when my kid was too young to read) that include tasks for morning routine and evening routine.

Place high preference activities after low preference activities (peas before ice cream, brush teeth before iPad gets moved from the charger, wash hands before lunch, etc.)

Then I totally had to make sure that my kid got enough...enough of exercise, food/water, sleep, and mental stimulation:

I totally had could tell if my boys had missed a window when a snack would have kept the grumpies/impulsive behavior away.

We started instituting an hour during the summer after lunch quiet time (could be spent sleeping, reading, playing with toys with no noise and not electronic) on bed in separate rooms. Saves my sanity and allows for everyone to regroup.

We go to the library about 3 times a week for constant book turnover. Plus math work book and various websites. My son voluntarily wrote a huge persuasive essay extolling the virtues of a Wii. He thinks he can convince me because his older brother did it over a year ago about a dog and we ended up getting one. He wrote a second essay about something else...completely on his own fiction topic.

Other tools I use are the kitchen timer and stopwatch...my kids see me use it for reminding me on things and I have them use it to self regulate too. Do these 3 chores, then 20 minutes (timer) on the iPad, take the dog on a nice long walk around the neighborhood, then read some (sometimes they set the timer sometimes they just read until they are tired), etc. Sometimes we use the timer as a "beat the timer" game. Or we stopwatch time how long does it take to unload and load the dishwasher as kind of a data gathering task.

I feel like I had to become a real good expert on my kids and just what set them off and then organize the environment to have the least number of set offs as possible. With one melt down a day...it is easy to work through it and use it as a teachable moment. With melt downs all day long...well it made for one long dang day and felt like I was just treading water. Now my kids get what they need and actually know what their need it and will tell me...I just need some (space, rest, food, etc.)

I know where you are coming from. I agree with many that this is a pretty common problem.

I tend to write out my expectations for morning routines, or a daily chore list, etc. If I write it out, DC is much less likely to talk back or try to negotiate every single thing and if one forgets, one can just consult the list. (When they are a bit older, better yet, have them write it out or type it up on the computer.)

I do take away screen time or devices as a consequence, but only for a day. I think kids need opportunities to succeed, and that typically starts new every day. We talk about consequences ahead of time too, so they aren't unexpected. Such as, if you ride your bike without a helmet, you may not ride again till tomorrow.

Not taking mouthy talk personally and not engaging in any arguing, back n forth, etc, until later when everyone is calm. Very important and it works! Don't let them push your buttons, they might do it on purpose to get you riled up for their own entertainment. If you need to step away, do so, because that is good role modeling for your child on how to deal with things.

Above all, the most important thing is Praise for good behavior, improvement or being seen working hard on something. Praising the child to your spouse within earshot of your child is awesome too.

I must have read at least 15 parenting books and tried charts and rewards etc to no avail. The praise and reasonable and immediate consequences work better and seem more respectful to the child and family. Can't remember what book that was in.

Good luck! It will get better.

PS, I also agree with those who are saying that you need to know your kids and maximize success by creating a good environment. By that, for me, it means making sure they are fed, well-rested, not too busy with activities, etc. We talk about that, too, and pause sometimes to make sure those needs are met if things are getting out of control.

THIS.

When my DD would get truly out of control, she was also sent "to sit on your bed" until she had regained control of herself. More often than not, she cried and sulked herself right into a NAP. Which was often exactly what she needed, though she would not have appreciated hearing so from anyone.

So many wonderful perspectives and tips! I do wonder what is age, what is giftedness, what is personality... at any rate, there are some really good suggestions here for us to try.

We don't spend a lot of time around other boys his age. There aren't any in our neighborhood and so we really only see them at camp/school. I suppose I should go look up normal 7-year-old boy behavior. I am pretty sure it includes thinking bodily functions are the funniest things ever.

And THIS too. Extreme rudeness (NOT the everyday variety) in my 14-year-old is typically a sign of "needs to sleep." He's been this way for a long time.

You've received great advice above - I have just one thing to add that I don't think has been mentioned - our very strong-willed dd becomes 10 times more strong-willed and unwilling to compromise when she's hungry - you might watch and see if there's any correlation with hunger for your ds. Our dd doesn't realize she's hungry when she's out of control, but if we are able to get her to even take a nibble of a granola bar etc she regains control and can calm down relatively quickly (quickly for her lol! - all relatively speaking :D).


The other thing is age-related and gifted-related behavior possibilities. It's just my take on this (parenting a strong-willed child) - but if you've had note made of this type of behavior outside of home, I'd be inclined to attribute it to something more than just age-related. While it's true that many children this age may still be working through how to control behaviors like this - most of them (out of the sample I've seen) are starting to work through it and make progress. If a school or camp staff person (especially if it's more than one setting or more than one person) is telling you there is a challenge, then I'd listen and not be quick to assume it's just age-related. There are, of course, 900 million other things it might be so I wouldn't over-think it either. Try to work through different strategies to see if anything helps (geez.. that sounds like totally lame advice, doesn't it?).

I share your frustration with counselors - we've had a few different situations with our kids where we've hoped to use a counselor and just haven't been able to find a situation where personality fit. It's really tough knowing where to invest your time/money.

Best wishes,

polarbear

The things that work(ed) for Aiden:
- Snacks; he always has access to healthy snacks and I refuse to even engage in a discussion/argument until he has eaten
- Water; when he starts acting up I immediately shove a glass of water at him
- removing him from around other kids before discussions/implementing calming techniques
- exercise; especially a longish bicycle ride, swimming, trampoline, playing with sand
- Tae Kwon Do; they have an ethos of self-control and the theory forms part of the gradings, they are always talking about it with the kids and giving practical examples. It's been a HUGE help
- firm and clear boundaries for all situations
- discussing things rationally once everyone is calm
- me learning to use communicative language instead of reactive language (book "how to listen so kids will talk" helped me figure this code out)
- Feed your brain"; Aiden needs at least 1 sit-down focused work session per day of at least 20 - 30 minutes. When he skips the things that really challenge him his intensity is so much worse. We noticed this from before he was 2. So now we have monitored it together to "prove" our theory. And so I just need to say "your brain is hungry" and he knows to go pick something challenging to do. To this end he has certain daily tasks that are a built in part of the day most days - violin practice, piano practice, Soroban maths practice all require daily practice as a part of the program.

Things that don't work:
- Timeouts
- Punishments
- Removing privileges
- Emotional blackmail/guilt
- Reverse Psychology
- long lectures
- holding up another child as the ideal example

Triggers and what works in immediate situations:

- Taking away from the situation when there is too much external noise; he is always loud, but also has auditory discrimination stuff so as soon as there are too many varied noises around him he starts to freak out
- red colourants, too much sugar; I know it will lead to issues within 10 minutes, so I flood with water and lots of distractibility
- Uncertainty/surprises; I just stay a bit closer - we have a code word he can use when he is not coping and it's a plea for me to get him out immediately. This works well for parties, new experiences, crowded events etc.

It is interesting to read about the hunger and sleep needs. DH and I have said since DS was about 2 that it was really easy to miss that he had not eaten (because he's not that kid that says he's hungry) and then realize later that was the reason for behavior problems. He did eat well before the first set of behavior issues yesterday, but it could have been the problem before dinner (which he missed having because he was in his room, reading, after a timeout, bad communication between DH and I, he won't be allowed to miss dinner w/us again). He slept nearly 12 hrs last night, which is about two hrs more than usual. He had slept well the prior night, so there's likely something else going on... growth spurt perhaps.

Weekends and breaks without camps are the worst times. Besides reading, he doesn't really care to do much play on his own (he will from time to time do so, if a flight of imagination catches him). His younger sibling is too "annoying" for consistent play and we can't play/do things with him the whole time. (Younger sibling, on the other hand, is a great one for solitary play.)

We have only really had two mentions of impulse issues outside of normal kid play (ex. throwing water back and forth at each other from water bottles) since we got him out of a bad school environment. One was yelling (full out screaming/meltdown) at a camp counselor who had changed a rule, thereby keeping him from scoring. He apologized then and the next day. The other time he darted across a dirt road at a park to see some animals.

-- and see, I'd chalk that up to "probably normal kid stuff, just staff mentioning it to us as part of regular communication."

My child is younger version of Loy58's. They are so similar! I don't have much advice for you I'm afraid but can commiserate. Like Howdy, many of the books I have read has not helped but I use a lot of the techniques she mentioned and they do help somewhat. The most effective for us is to try our absolute hardest not to react to nasty backtalk and get roped into a heated power struggle. Plus she can outwit me many times now. Also, praising directly and indirectly (mentioning in earshot to someone else) as loy58 mentioned works pretty well too.

I have noticed sleep/fatigue and hunger have huge effects (which is why I am worried about lack of sleep due to reading past bedtime - see my post).

Everyday is a struggle. It is so hard not take offense and stay calm! However, DD made major progress yesterday. In the midst of her intense attempt to make me change my mind, she abruptly stopped and counted to 5 seconds. Then told me that she used the technique we talked about to stop herself from calling me a "witch".

Ahhh-- so she's not yet determined that "with a b" is a nice add-on to that particular statement but one which retains "immunity" since it's not technically saying a curse word, I take it...



Let's just say that I feel all of your pain.

Ross Greene, The Explosive Child & www.livesinthebalance.org, Collaborative Problem Solving/Collaborative & Proactive Solutions.

Non-adversarial, non-punitive, respect-based approach.

experienced that one, did you?

Ah, I think my seven year old is living at your house. All your houses!
Apparently, the correlation between high iq and low impulse control is well established. I'll try to find the link of the Eides' neuroscience blog. No brakes In cognition equals no brakes in emotion...
I second the advice to keep blood sugar levels under control. Reactive hypoglycemia is so common for the HG+ population, too. DS7 is unable to regulate his eating himself, so we have to do it for him, making him eat enough at mealtimes to avoid crashes. They do not realize they are hungry, so you have to monitor this for them (DH still has to do it for me sometimes, he comes by it honestly...). Eating primal (high fat moderate protein low carb) has helped tremendously, and allowed us to go off the constant need for snacks pattern. Sugary and starchy breakfasts and snacks are the devil!

Edited to add links:
http://eideneurolearningblog.blogspot.de/2010/01/cognition-without-control-adhd-gifted.html
http://eideneurolearningblog.blogspot.de/2006/03/biology-of-late-bloomers-gifted-but.html

My biggest meltdowns with my 9 yo pg son are when he isn't happy and not willing to compromise with the meal plan or the choice of healthy snacks....but he is crashing so he is completely unreasonable. And he is unreasonable about the very thing that will make him feel better. It is so much easier to plan his meals to prevent hypoglycemic problems than to fix them after they start...I also have a history with hypoglycemia so know what he is going through your brain just isn't working right. Most of the time my so is mature beyond his years....when this happens...I am reminded he is 9.

Before we started to be absolutely rigorous about mealtimes and meals offered, DS7 might have such a bad freak out he'd just be raging at the table, unable to put even a bite in his mouth. I have put chocolate in front of him, yelling at him until he had a bite, then watched the transformation happen.

I kept thinking " if anyone saw me doing this..." LOL!

I still keep chocolate in the house at all times for emergencies. These days it might be DD3 who needs it to find her way out if an uncontrollable meltdown. People would tell me I'm training her to throw tantrums to get that chocolate, but I can so tell when they are completely out of control that chocolate us the last thing on their minds...

I wanted to add that I found the following, seemingly extremely disparate books helpful:
The explosive child, by Greene (already mentioned)
The kazdin method for parenting the defiant child

The second advises an extremely rigorous and consistent reward scheme, whereas the first advises to complete ditch these schemes and rather use the collaborative problem solving approach which it then teaches.

What they have in common:
Both explain extreme challenging behaviour as a lack in specific skills which can be taught and trained but which are not the child's fault in any way. Both advise to completely abstain from punishing. Kazdins reward scheme is framed not as a mindless behaviorist approach but as a support to help the child follow through with practicing the desired behaviour - might be the same thing in the end but that is how I described it to my children and they get it. I did not use the method as prescribed (which of course you are supposed to for guaranteed results) but simply offer rewards as the occasional motivator and have found that the promises kazdin makes are true - if you start with tiny bits of time (try not to bother your sister/try not to shriek when being bothered by your brother for one minute and that is one minute iPad time) helps shape better behaviour (suddenly they are even interacting nicely for ten minutes at a time!) and you can fade out the rewards quickly, even after a one off application, because they know what to do, know how to do it, know that they can do it and know that I know that they know.
KWIM?

We've taught our kids to check their physical needs first when they're feeling cranky. We process the return to ebullience after eating/sleeping/alone-time/etc. and draw explicit cause/effect connections each time. Around pre-teen/early teen age, it seems to click in to self-monitor. OTOH, my mother has been doing this for my 70+ yo father for years...

I almost forgot! I always go through my mental checklist when things start getting ugly. H.A.L.T. is the child hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Sometimes, as others have pointed out, resolving these issues clears up the problem behavior immediately.

It's comforting to know that we are far from alone!

Yesterday was a good day for DS. I suspect the rest helped. I shared these tips with DH and we are going to try really monitoring food, water and sleep. DS tried to get a reaction from me with his latest unapproved word. I ignored it, thus avoiding a long, drawn out back-and-forth with him. Point 1 for me!

We have the book "The Explosive Child," having purchased it before the testing. Honestly, it didn't seem to apply much to his patterns. I would describe most of his troubling behaviors to be more along the lines of "what would happen if I do this thing I'm not supposed to" than just having a big reaction (soccer camp example notwithstanding). aeh, thank you for the link. I'd wandered across it a few weeks ago. I will look at it more closely and share it with DH.

Oh, yes. Here, too. DD is an EXTRAORDINARILY picky eater and many of her bad moods start with being told she needs to pick a healthier food option. This is my child who GAGS on fruits and vegetables. I gave her pureed fruits up until recently, just to get more healthy food into her. She rarely eats vegetables, so we allow her to drink low-sodium V8 (poor substitute, but I have trouble getting her to consume FRUIT!). (Sigh). She seems to be genuinely texture and taste-sensitive, and it is a real struggle - we make many fruit smoothies and have also sometimes hidden healthy ingredients in food. We have tried to avoid food battles, but when your child wants to live on carbs and dairy products alone (and sweets, if we'd let her - we don't), you DO feel like you need to put your foot down.

So many, many of DD's bad moods have been tied to limits we put on unhealthy foods/insisting on healthy foods.

Loy, our DD3 is like that - almost 4 and we still have to purée fruit and vegetables to get some vitamins unto her (would not drink juice, even). When she stopped pooping even with laxatives and was found to have a dilated rectum from her chronic constipation, we simply stopped serving processed carbs in the house (that's when we went primal, and that it helped with DS7 and my blood sugar issues and helps DS1 who has major special needs was a happy by-product.) I cannot recommend the nutritionist Kelly dorffman and her book "cure your child with food" enough. We shelled out for two private phone consultation because we are really at the worse end of the picky eater spectrum she deals with - screaming for a full afternoon about a minuscule sliver to soft-boiled carrot, falling asleep exhausted on DHs arm rather than swallowing...that bad. Major sensory issues. It has taken us over a year but she is finally eating a variety of vegetables, some not even puréed!) and another fruit (than banana). Yes, one other fruit. We expect to add nr. three soon, and take it from there. And she is off laxatives!
For myself, I needed to realize that not forcing her to give up on her all carb diet was as detrimental to her as not following through with toothbrushing or car seats or essential medication in order to have the strength to go through with the year of screaming, throwing food away and running away from the table. The way dorffman puts it: you are in an ongoing food battle and have been since (in our case) the first spoonful of solids at six months, but you are losing every day. We win some, we lose some but altogether there is constant progress.
Sorry, somewhat off topic but I feel so much for my fellow fighters!

Matter of fact...


DD is one of those kids who pushes the envelope REGULARLY. We had to put our collective feet down as parents when she was about seven that she was NOT allowed to refer to any adults she knew as "Stupid." Decisions or behaviors, fine... but not PEOPLE. And especially not Mom or Dad.

{sigh}

I'm afraid that this is a lot like wildland firefighting, though: the terrain is hostile, and lightning strikes often and everywhere, meaning that your work is never truly done. LOL!

Another useful tip: Immediate consequences are most effective, even if they're quite small. Consequences that are delayed or extended over time tend to be ineffective. So "You can't play with that toy (read that book, be with your friends) for 10 minutes" is going to work better than "You can't go to the birthday party on Saturday" or "You're grounded for a week."

So glad i found this thread. My DD7 is very negatively vocal and critical (of me in particular.) She scratches and bites her brother when she can't think of a come back, and they fight *a lot.*

Almost every day she tells me she a) hates me b) I'm the worst mother in the world and c) asks her dad "why did you marry her!? why dad?! (which we both find kind of funny.

She also tells me she hates what I'm wearing, and wants to know why I never wear anything "pretty." It's very hard sometimes.

I'm going to try the books recommended. Hopefully something will work.

Oh. My. Goodness. It is so nice to hear other people telling such stories about their kiddos. Sometimes the mouth that my DS5.5 gets on him makes me feel like such a failure. There's a meme going around on Facebook that says, "You're making it very hard for me to be the parent I'd always dreamed of being." That's totally how I feel.

Eating is really hard here because he's gotten even more picky as he's gotten older. I'm really taste/texture sensitive myself, so I sympathize, but want some healthy foods into him. Going to think about this all some more.

Strong willed child with an attitude that literally scares me, right here, sitting next to me so peacefully now. But we are on egg shells so often with him. One thing we have recently changed, was taking him off his allergy pills (Claritin). I'd never heard that some kids have major attitude changes by being on these. I do see some attitude change, at the very least with his ability to cope with school work, so far. The attitude may or may not be affected in general. Also, highly agree with the poster who mentioned anxiety in the gifted. I know that is causing a lot of our problems. Our ability to be able to respond calmly is being stretched daily. I thought I was calm before, now I've achieved some sort of Zen.

My DD7 has anxiety (at least it seems like she does, she hasn't been diagnosed yet) so a lot of time I try to look at her criticism through that lens...I am an extension of her, so as cruel as she's being to me, there's probably a lot of criticism and perfectionism going on her head about herself...I'm going to have to help her with that.

It might make you feel better to know that the behavior you describe is something that many parents of seven year old boys, gifted or not, deal with on a daily basis. Behavior has been quite the topic lately among the mothers of seven year old boys in my circle. Everyone is having issues with their son's behavior. The boys seem to have their worst behavior at home, yet are on their best behavior at school.

We talk to the twins a lot about thinking before they act, and have a lot of "How would it make you feel if someone did that to you?" type conversations. The conversations about how they would feel seem to be having the most impact on behavior, even though usually at the time of the conversation it doesn't seem to be having an impact.

momoftwins, thank you! We really don't have friends with boys this age, so he's our only real example.

We have made some progress here. The book aeh recommended has some great advice. It's still one hour at a time, though... had a major meltdown over homework the other night. He made a mistake and wanted to turn it in without fixing it. Since the mistake had to do with not having read the directions, we insisted he reread them and redo that part of the assigment. (I am not a big fan of homework, but do believe he must learn how to read and follow directions if he's to get through school showing his potential!).