I really do not have a clear understanding of what is going on at school with regard to specifics of attention.
[quote=Irena]I am thinking of requesting another conference, just like the one I had on Monday, with the same teachers - only this time I am prepared for what I am going to hear so I will be more prepared with specific questions. Also I want more time alotted for it so we can really disucss this without a big time crunch.
I think a follow-up meeting that gives you time to prepare and also allows more time for the meeting is a really good idea.
And I want my husband there b/c he needs to hear this stuff too. What do y'all think? That's appropriate, right?
I think it's appropriate +. First, I think it sends an important signal to the school staff that you and your spouse are on the same page and are both actively concerned and involved, so it's less likely for the staff to be able to put off your concerns as due to one over-doting parent.
Second reason I like to take my dh is that although he is quiet and doesn't have the time invested in thinking through the solutions/situations/etc with our kids at school as much as I do, he is a good listener and he almost always picks up on something that I might have missed, or sees something with a slightly different perspective etc which has been really helpful.
The third reason I like to bring my husband to meetings is going to sound like I'm gender-biased and living back in the '50s... and that's *so* not me... but fwiw... the school staff does seem to take him more seriously than they do me, and I'm pretty danged sure it's all related to his gender.
I am also annoyed that when I brought the issues of him possibly being bored/disengaged I was immediately shut down by what I felt was a rather offennsive comment by the Gifted teacher in which she stated that "DS knows that if says he's bored everyone jumps."
That would completely annoy me too. First and foremost, if people were jumping through hoops for him, you wouldn't have to be having so many meetings at school, would you?
I would ask them to specifically explain what they mean by "jumping through hoops" - and if they explain some type of behavior on the part of teachers that's actually happening, such as differentiation... if it's really happening, thank them for that and then ask if there's a way (or suggest a way) to create a situation such that your ds doesn't have to get bored first - for instance if he's finished a math worksheet really quickly and he's bored because it was too easy, let him have some challenging work to choose next and just make that a routine part of his day, not something he has to complain to receive.
Of course, I doubt anyone is really "jumping" to actually help him, so if the staff is saying he's getting attention by saying he's bored, ask what type of attention, what are they doing that's actually any kind of perceived "reward" for saying he's bored?
Or are they saying you as his parents are jumping because he's bored? I hope not - that would be just um, completely maddening.
Sooo... now that you've asked for clarity on the "jump" thing - move right into pointing out that yes, it's perhaps not a good setup for him to be able to say he's bored and get attention for it (or whatever) BUT... it's also a sign that he needs more challenging work, so the team needs to focus on that and come up with a solution.
First of all, the gifted teacher has only had DS in her class (which, by the way, only meets for an hour twice a week) for one month so how would she come to this conclusion;
On the one hand I would ask her this directly, on the other hand I would consider that it's possible she's had feedback from his other teachers indicating this, or that it's possible that if he's saying he's bored often, she's heard it several times by now and is projecting forward that she'll continue to hear it.
secondly, Ds has been complaining that school is boring for about three years now
I think this is a powerful point to use in advocating if the statement about saying he's bored and people jump comes up at your next meeting. No matter what tone it's said in, simply state again - he is bored. He is telling you he's bored. He's been telling us he's bored for three years. He's bored.
I said nothing at the time but I am really bothered by it.
If it comes up again, you might consider letting the teacher know that the statement bothers you. It feels to me like they are putting the responsibility for the situation on your ds, when really the responsibility lies with the school staff.
So in the meantime I am scheduling an appointment with a devlopmental ped who speciallizes in ADHD for an eval of adhd. We can use the recent Wisc testing and they will do an eval specifically for adhd... This place is THE center for adhd in the area and my insurance will cover it. They should really know ADHD at this place and I think I would feel comfortable with whatever they find. The wait is about 5 months out though so in the emantime I want to monitor what is going on at school and get more specific information.
This all sounds like a really good plan, Irena - including watching and observing what is going on in school while you wait for the eval.
Hang in there! And let us know if you get a meeting scheduled
polarbear
