So we have DS' p/t conference tomorrow. I was anticipating just the usual 15 minute fluff conference with just the teacher (that's all we signed up for). DS's progress report is fine as far as I am concerned... I mean, it is of course not really reflective of his abilities (for eg, he got "PH" in all reading and math but,really, since he is grade levels above in both should they really be As for "advanced?" but I am trying not to get neurotic and nit-picky about grade reports that really mean nothing.) (oh and the scale is PL for proficient low, P for proficient, PH for Proficient High and A for advanced.)

As per usual with this school, they LOVE to catch me off-guard! Twenty minutes ago I get an email from the teacher stating that she "has invited everyone that DS works with to the conference" Uh, okay, really? So I guess this will be longer than 15 minutes then, right? And I am going to this alone b/c DH just had surgery and we have no childcare anyways... And who are "everyone?" All the teachers? or all of the iep people?

Now ,I am annnoyed b/c this is not what I was expecting. I was expecting a light 15minute conversation with the teacher. Does this mean there are bigger issues to discuss? If we are going to have an IEP meeting or a pseudo-iep meeting then give me some notice, ykim? I am just not in the mood for this... I always feel ganged up on... Not that I think they have anything to gang up on me about but why are they all coming? It makes me uneasy and I feel vulnerable..

I am really, really considering cancelling it and rescheduling when I can have my husband with me. Is that bad?

I just have PTSD from this school, LOL ... I welcome anyone's opinion even if it is that I am overreacting... What do y'all think?

I don't have any advice, but man, this type of ambush really seems to be their thing. Whatever you decide, trust your instincts, be on your guard, and know that you can always listen to what they have to say and respond at a later time.

Good luck.

IEP you get two weeks notice on official forms (not email) and two separate notifications with details about what will be done at the meeting (updating goals, exploring more evaluation, develop a behavior plan, etc.)

This sounds more like a really big p/t conference...if you feel uneasy cancel and reschedule, or find a friend to bring with you?

At the middle school if you want a pt conference and only need to speak with say the math teacher...you still have to meet with the whole 7 teacher team at least in the beginning and then some teachers leave. It does feel pretty much like you against them...but they all have roles...one takes notes, one runs the meeting, one has printed off all sorts of grade information off the online grading system, etc.

I just don't understand it... this isn't the way parent-teacher conferences work at this level. He's not in middle school and I don't know of any issues that would necessitate this. And we just had an IEP meeting about 6 weeks ago. His grades seems fine and no one has contacted me with any issues and DS seems happy enough. So why is it being done this way and why wasn't I informed before this? Obviously, they had to schedule this among themselves so they knew they were going to do this. I was planning on heading to work right after the conference and I was not planning on it being a protracted conference, which obviously it looks like it will be. They sent home a form about two weeks ago asking the parents if they would like anyone else at the p/t meeting and what issues and concerns you have. I put down I did not need to see anyone else and had no big concerns.

This school spent all of last year "catching me off-guard" So I am very suspicious.

Honestly, I always feel ganged up on and unprepared and I hate it. I hate meeting with them. I hate the whole thing. As long as DS's grades are decent and he seems happy then I don't even want to do a parent-teacher conference. I am more than happy to just coast along as is...

The same thing happened to me. The week before school started I emailed DS's first grade teacher and said briefly that he is "unusual", we had a neuropsych eval done the previous spring, he has an IEP, he had a TBI, etc. I wanted to have a casual conversation with the new teacher about his recent history and come up with some sort of tentative plan on how to deal with him. Next thing I know I get an email from her stating that she invited the IEP manager to join us as well as the OT and principal. I had a 1-day notice. So what was intended to be a casual meeting for me to introduce myself and DS, turned into an IEP meeting, complete with the form for everyone to sign. Considering I had major concerns about his IEP and how they had handled things the previous year, that did not make me happy. The IEP manager was probably trying to make sure I had no opportunity to talk to the teacher privately (I think she found out and basically invited herself). So much for being able to talk freely to the teacher about my concerns!

For the latest IEP meeting where they were going to go through eval results, I specifically asked that they give me a report of results ahead of time. I got half of them but not the other half. So I had to listen to a play-by-play of the assessment from the adapted PE teacher of DS and his clumsiness (it was almost comical) while 10 people watched me take it all in.

I think it is within your right to ask what is going to be talked about at this conference and who will be there. If you feel uncomfortable with it, tell her that you would prefer to meet privately for the conference and you can schedule another meeting if other people have information to share.

Could you send a reply politely fishing for more information? Something like, "It sounds like this might take longer than a normal 15 minute p/t conference. Should I block out more time in my schedule?... I'm happy to talk to the "team." Can you give me an idea why everyone has been invited? DH is out of town and if it's outside the normal p/t conference information, we might need to set up another meeting with everyone so he can be present too."

Maybe the teacher will give you some insights to help you make a better decision... or maybe just dodge your questions. But if you're polite, I don't think it will hurt.

Thoughts:

1. Bring a friend to take notes for you.

2. Treat it as information-gathering. Ask a ton of questions (and have your friend write down everything). When they assert things, ask follow-up questions so it's crystal clear what they are getting at.

3. If they ask to decide something you are uncomfortable with, ask to convene the team again after you've had a chance to consult your DH. You do NOT have to commit to anything on the spot.

Just cancel it...something came up and you can't attend.

Kathryn - that is exactly what I did! I am awaiting her reply. If she doesn't respond, then I am presently planning on cancelling the meeting in the morning saying basically that 'this seems more involved and outside the normal p/t conference protocol... in addition it seems like it will take longer than I have prepared for in my schedule, so we will need to set up another meeting with everyone so DH and I can be both be present. I would also like to know in advanced what the issues are so that we can prepare, etc...'

On my phone so this will be brief and most likely garbled by auto-correct! But fwiw - we were surprised without notice at our ds' first PT conference after ge gad an IEP by this exact thing - but with no forewarning. Our school did it so they could report where ds was at in making progress toward IEP goals. I suspect that somewhere in distinct or state policy there was a box that needed to be checked off saying the staff had met and communicated progress toward goals and they used this as a way to check off that box on their to-do list.

I think what I would do in your position is to send an email to your ds' teacher thanking her for the heads-up. If you don't have any concerns at this point in time I'd ask what their role wold be at the meeting but still plan to attend. If you have things you'd like to discuss with the team I'd ask that the meeting be postponed until both you and your db are able to AT&T d and when you can schedule more than 15 minutes.

Hope it's nothing!

polarbear

Thanks, Blackcat, you really get it. So I feel less "crazy" now This could be nothing... but thank you for pointing out that it is within my right to ask what is going to be talked about at this conference and who will be there. I agree.

Honestly, some families get labeled as "problems" because they are the squeaky wheels. Obviously some people complain because they're never happy, but there are many who are just advocating for their kids. Unfortunately they often get lumped together in the same category.

Maybe past teachers have "warned" the new teacher about you so she/he doesn't feel comfortable talking to you without a witness. Hopefully he/she will see that you're a reasonable person who just wants what is best for your child, and the stigma will be dropped.

Please don't think I'm saying that you deserve this type of label, but if this is what has happened, I can understand the teacher feeling the need for someone else in the room. Like I said, hopefully he/she will see you and your family for what y'all are. Good luck!

Thanks so much Polarbear, KADmom, Sweetie and DeeDee!

Oh I am very sure I have this label! LOL. I had to fight really hard last year to get and KEEP my son's accommodations and it was NOT PRETTY. AT. ALL. But, so far this year has been fine. DS seems happy, he reports he is getting his accommodations. He is in GT program. His grades appear to be good. He is in a differientiated math group. He is way above grade level in reading and math. He's so high in reading he doesn't even have a group - he's by himself. There was a problem with the spelling teacher (different than the regular teacher) making him write out 30 spelling words but I emailed teacher and principal and the issues was resolved quickly and he is permitted to type his spelling sorts and sort tests now.

Anyway, it could be just a meeting with everyone just because I am a pain and they are simply trying to please me... but I want some notice and some idea of what is in store - like, if there are "issues/concerns" I want to know ahead what they are; and, if there are not any, then I'd like to know that too.

Part of it is that these people just traumatized me last year - and I assure you I am not easily traumatized! But I guess when it's one's child, one is even more vulnerable....

I also don't want to meet with all of these people by myself... Not that DH says much at all but still... it's better than not having anyone. I went to the last IEP by myself but I knew ahead of time pretty much everything that would be discussed so I felt quite prepared. I just hate the surprise ambush.

Very true! I sincerely hope that this year's teacher will see you and your requests as rational and reasonable (which I'm sure they are).

My Dh is the same way. It's infuriating how he just sits there, and when he does say something, it's usually not helpful. But just having him there makes me feel like it's both of us together rather than just me against them.

So, I finally just heard back from her (yes at almost 11pm). She said she doesn't anticipate it taking longer than 20 minutes and that it will be her, GT teacher, the spelling teacher, the differentiated math teacher, the art teacher, and the special-ed teacher. She doesn't say the principal will be there but I am sure he will be as he never likes me talking to the teachers without his being present.

I don't know about this. I am not sure why this is making me so uncomfortable. It just seems so odd... I have a knot in my stomach because I feel like I am going to be hit with something but I don't know what. And, yet, all of his test grades are good and he is feeling good about school.

I don't know what to do.

I'd say, go and listen.

If it's truly a blindside, know that they cannot change your child's placement without your permission, and if they are making requests of any kind in the meeting, you don't have to say yes to anything you don't want. You are part of the school team for your child.

But it may just be that your child is complex and they want to show you all the perspectives. Conferences ARE complex when your child is 2E. Better to know than not, even when it's hard on you.

with that many people it will take 20 minutes to get organised

Why does the art teacher need to be there?

LOL, well the art teacher is also the coordinator for the "specials" teachers... So she is sometimes in the IEP meetings, etc.. Just to make sure she can keep the "specials" teachers apprised of accommodations etc.

Is it possible that this is how they do it for kids in ATP?

Maybe I should just calm down... It's so hard when you just don't trust the school

Seriously.

Well, I decided to heck with it - if I am feeling vulnerable/bullied/blind-sided, etc I need to do what makes me feel on better footing and if that makes me crazy or whatever so be it... I am sure I have that label anyway so who cares. I wrote back:

"Dear Teacher, I am sorry but I am really unprepared for this. I wish I had been given some notice of such a big conference. I was planning on attending the brief, standard parent-teacher conference with just you and I was not aware there were any major concerns. This, however, feels very sudden (as I am just the night before getting notice of this). DH can not attend tomorrow due to childcare issues and because he is recovering from surgery. I am uncomfortable going to such a big conference without DH, particularly when it seems quite outside the normal parent-teacher conference procedure. Is there some reason all of his teachers are going to be at this meeting? If so, I would like to be prepared for that. I would also like to have DH involved if this is more involved/complicated than the standard parent-teacher conference. Furthermore, I have a strong suspicion that, with all of those people present, it will take longer than the allotted time.

Anyway, perhaps we can reschedule when DH is able to attend, when I have blocked more time in my schedule and when I have some idea of what the issues are necessitating a meeting with all of his teachers. Again, I am very sorry but I feel a bit blind-sided by all of this."

I figure at the end of the day, I am entitled to have some notice about with whom I am meeting and why. It could be no big deal (e.g., this is just how they do it for atp/iep kids) or there could be "issues" - either way I am entitled to some notice, to be prepared and to have my DH there.

Thank you all for helping me work through this... I really appreciate what everyone had to say! Y'all are a huge help!

Well done!

It's standard practice for the IS to attend general ed conferences at our school. Maybe it's as simple as that?

Your letter is great. Even if it is as simple as being the standard practice, they need to know that they must alert parents as to what practice is.

So, I didn't have time to update last night but as it turns out all was fine. Teacher emailed me back right away (after I sent my above letter saying perhaps we should re-schedule) apologizing for alarming me and telling me that this really is just standard practice for twice-exceptional kiddos. They have the gifted educators there there and his regular and special-ed. So I ended up going and it was for the most part fine.

I do have another questions for y'all. The 'big issue' that everyone did want to talk about was keeping DS's "attention." They said he isn't staying focused on his work and it isn't affecting his grades because he's so bright but eventually it will affect his grades they think. They wanted to know if I had any strategies for them to help keep DS engaged and free from distraction. This is a newer issue for me... Up until now it has always been executive-funtioning and multistep directions complaints. Last year I was told (and also obserevd) that once DS got on task he stayed on task - it was just that he would screw up the directions (if there were more than one step) or that he had hard time letting the last thing he was doing go to move on, etc. Now the new issue is DS is actually having an issue staying on task once he starts.

SO, my question to you is what is done in the classroom for ADD/ADHD other than meds? What are the strategies/accomodations? I am assuming that some people at least hold off on medicated their kids for various reasons even if they have an ADHD dx so what stratagies do they use to help keep a kid on task/focused without meds?

(Btw, we had a small discussion of the role "boredom" may be playing in all of this and the GT teacher kind of annoyed me b/c she made a snide remark that "DS knows if he says he's bored everyone will jump." GRrrr....)

Glad to hear it wasn't a big deal! Have you had a medical evaluation for ADHD? I would probably start with that and see what you are dealing with. I medicated DD right away and we saw a dramatic improvement right away. She is pretty severe, though.

Even on her meds she still has processing speed issues. She appears focused, but is just very slow. She has been taking a mp3 player into class with classical music and has headphones there. She says it helps a lot. The first grade teacher used it as well before we got the official diagnosis. It helps to block out distracting noises. I've also heard of people using metronome sounds rather than music.

We've gone 15 rounds for each of my kids on ADHD. In our case, it was a matter of addressing the needs of the child, with no clear evidence (that very boarderline data) of ADHD/ADD-i.

How old is he and how old is he compared to his peers?

Is this a change from last year to this year?

What are the disabilities that put him in the category of 2e? Are they being well managed?

Thanks Blackcat... He has not been offcially dx with ADHD. So I couldn't even start meds yet anyway. I do think if I pushed harder and got the teachers' to do some rating scales (they did not when he was eval'ed last time because it was summer and he wasn't in school), he would be officially dx'ed. I know that the last eval they did *some* tests for it but they didn't bear out the diagnosis -I know one was a computer test (?), and there was some other assessment that he actually did really well on (shockingly) I forget the name but when I am home I'll look it up. Also, his working memory doesn't really fit the bill for it either. The tester and I talked about it and she did recommend coming back for some additional tests, getting his teachers' feedback and she would also need to do an in-school observation of him. At that point she could (and I think would) give him ADHD diagnosis. I'm sure he'd get it - especially the way the teachers were talking today. However, I am still personally not completely convinced that is really what he has; so, even with the Dx I still would wait on meds anway.

Part of what is also affecting my wanting to wait on the meds is this: my mil brought me my DH's progress reports and all of his notes home, etc from when DH was in elementary school; for the first four years or so of DH's life his report cards and notes home were filled with the exact same sort of complaints about DH's attention that I am hearing now. FIL said he wasn't concerned b/c he reports he also had the same issue when he was in elemetnatry. Both FIL and DH report that they "grew out of it" at the start of middle school (DH was even accelerated in middle school). Both went on to college and then post-graduate degrees. I chatted with the psych about this trend and she said it is certainly possible that there is just genetically delayed development of the frontal lobes. [DH also has dysgraphia and we suspect FIL does as well.] Anyway, both are fine now. And my DH does not seem to me to be an adult with ADHD at all (although muti-tasking still does not seem to be something he can not do well, LOL). MY FIL is the same - he's not a adult with ADHD. Both are organized and on the ball completely. My twin brother, however, DOES seem very ADHD as an adult and probably has been pretty severely ADHD all his life. He was very unsuccessful in school and did drop out. Presently, he is also successful n(finished school, went to trade school, and has his own business; he's actually a work-a-holic even though his whole life he was called "lazy" ) but just a few hours around him and he really does seem very adhd (and he is not medicated so that's why it's really obvious).

So, anyway, I want to hold off on the ADHD medicine route until I 'really know': is this somehting he'll grow out of like my DH and his grandfather? Or is this the life-long ADHD like my brother probabaly has? Both psychs (school and private) seemed very supportive of holding off on meds - especially since it si not affecting his success at school (grades) yet. But they did say they are open to whatever startegies and accommmodations I can come up with to help in the meantime. And, hey, if they are so willing to do whatever will help and support - I got to appreciate and take advantage of that!

Geofizz, thanks! I was posting when you were posting I think... Most of the answers to these questions are contained in my last post. DS just turned 8 - he is in 2nd grade. Yes, as I mentioned in my last post this is a bit of a change.

The disabilities that put him the category of 2e are Ehelers Danlos (genetic connective tissue disorder affecting his joints) and Developmental Coordination Disorder with dysgraphia. I have always suspected it's the DCD that makes him seem ADHD - they do seem to overlapping symptoms, particuarly with the problems dysgraphics/DCD people have with sequencing and attention. But people just aren' as familiar with DCD.

See, this is exactly my suspicion of what really is going on. But I sort of have to wait and see - is this it and he will "get better"? or does he have the real deal and physically needs meds? I really think I do have to wait and see, you know? Thanks MON!

In meantime... I guess we need to do something....(and I need to get the offical Dx just in case we need to try the meds).

Irena, I didn't have a chance to see your email to the school last night, but wanted to let you know it was great! Also glad to hear it was just routine, and that you were able to have the conference.

Re the concerns about attention - were the teachers specific in giving you details about when your ds has a tough time staying on task or was it expressed as a general concern? I would want specifics - so you can see if there are any consistent patterns - is it happening when the teacher is talking to the class and students are supposed to listen, is it happening when he's given a writing assignment, is it happening in circle when a story is read, etc. I would also want to know specific details about what behaviors are being interpreted as lack of attention. Is he fidgeting, looking around the room, getting up from his seat etc.

Next step - look through all the details and see if anything you're seeing is a pattern related to either a part of class where he is potentially bored or a task that is related to his disabilities. I would also try asking your ds what is going on during those times - he's still really young so his feedback might not make sense, but otoh, he might have some good insight for you.

After that - if you have concerns at all (or if you think you need to head off concerns on the part of the school re ADHD) I'd consider doing two things: The first thing I'd do is get a private ADHD eval through either your ped's office or whoever they recommend - this would be an eval that includes behavioral surveys completed by teachers and parents. JMO, but I'd want this so I had a good understanding of whether or not what the teachers were concerned about is really ADHD or behaviors that look like ADHD but are due to other situations such as lack of challenge or improperly accommodating for 2nd e etc. If your ds does *not* have ADHD, it's also good to have the medical non-diagnosis so that if it's raised as an issue at school you have a report stating that no, it's not an issue and not a reason for the distractibility in the classroom.

The second thing you can do is to request a Functional Behavior Analysis through the school - I'm wondering if they ever did this as part of his IEP eligibility process? Certainly if the staff is raising issues about distraction you can use this as a reason to request the FBA. I don't know that I'd do this first - jmo, I'd go for the private ADHD eval first simply because I'd want my ped's opinion (btdt).

I've been in a similar situation with two of my kids - my EG 2e ds and my non-2e MG dd. Two different situations, both suspected of having ADHD, ds does not, dd I thought didn't for a long time, but now that she's hit middle school I'm starting to wonder again. This may get a bit long, so feel free to ignore, but here's what we found in early elementary with distraction (for them) and how we handled it:

DS - his teachers first mistakenly thought he had ADHD in 2nd grade, before we knew about his 2e fine motor and writing/expressive language challenges. We were told he was not focusing in the classroom, staring off into space while the teacher talked to the class, not writing when he was supposed to, and not participating in group activities in class. All of that was actually happening, but it was all related to his handwriting and expressive language challenges. When we asked for specific examples of not participating in group activities in class, for example, the teacher gave us specific examples, and we asked our ds about them and what happened, and it always had something to do with the group having to contribute ideas by writing them down on paper and ds didn't know what to write - which was due to his 2nd e. What we did: changed teachers once we had his neuropsych 2e diagnosis - plus gave ds help with writing (in the classroom during writing time) and gave him access to keyboarding in place of handwriting. With his accommodations in place and structured help with writing assignments (getting his ideas out), the behaviors that were being interpreted as distractibility and ADHD symptoms went away. Over the years, with accommodations and appropriate remediation, it's become quite clear that ds doesn't have ADHD.

DD couldn't sit still in early elementary. She's a sensory-seeking child and she was extremely sensitive to background noise when she was young. She also had vision issues that we didn't know about at that time. She looked like she had hyperactive ADHD because she didn't sit still. When we talked to her about school she complained that she couldn't hear the teacher because of all the noise the other kids were making moving their chairs or tapping their pencils or walking around in the classroom etc. She went through an OT sensory eval and a listening therapy program for almost a full year, and that really helped her a lot with being able to tune out the background noise, and in turn she started being able to sit at her seat and focus on her work, both at home and at school. It was really, for her, a dramatic difference, and dramatic enough her teacher was very very impressed with the difference in just the first few months of her therapy. At home, we saw her sit down and enjoy working on workbooks, worksheets etc right away - for the first time ever in her life. At the same time, at home, if we were to give her a multi-step direction such as "pick up the book and take it to your room" she could not carry it out at all. Ever. She is a happy-go-lucky personality so what we would see looked like an easily distractible kid. She'd pick up the book, stop 10 steps away to notice something else, go to some different room and notice yet something else, drop the book before she'd gone on to the next distraction etc. Looked very ADHD. Turns out she was having severe double vision and after going through VT she had no trouble with those multi-step directions. So once again, we were fairly certain she didn't have ADHD. Another thing she used to do - she had quite a few medical issues as a young child, so she was seeing several different types of drs frequently - and whenever she was in a dr's office she would literally bounce off the walls, she'd be so incredibly hyper. Eventually she told us she "bounced" at dr's appointments because she was scared and worried and didn't want to get shots etc - so basically, she was nervous and it came out in hyperactive behavior that looked like ADHD.

Soooo.... lots of things with dd that looked like inability to focus, easily distractible, and hyperactive behavior, and none of them were due to ADHD. BUT - here's the thing - she's old enough now, in middle school, that she can clearly explain to us how she feels, and now, we're starting to wonder again (as well as she's starting to wonder) if she doesn't have ADHD - she tells us it's a lot of work to focus and she is nervous if she can't move her body - she tells us her body just wants to get up and move around. Soooo... it's all such a puzzle really!

The last thing I would consider - and another piece of the puzzle that I feel is important based on my own children's experience - is the classroom environment. What is the behavior of the other children in the classroom? And is it a noisy classroom where the kids get up and move around a lot, or is it a relatively quiet classroom where the kids are all working in sync and there aren't a lot of disruptions? Do the kids sit at individual desks or in groups at tables? My kids started out at a school that was very project-oriented, student-led learning etc - and the classrooms didn't have desks, they just had tables with groups of students sitting together. Each year there were usually 2-3 students in each class who had challenges that were significant enough they took quite a bit of the teacher's attention to control behavior. At the school they are in now, the classrooms are a bit more traditional in that they have more structure to the lessons. The students still don't sit at traditional desks and they still do a lot of group work - but the teachers seem to have a much better sense of how to engage the students as a group and how to deal with students who aren't staying on task without distrupting class for the students who are on task. I'm not sure how to explain it - but the classroom environment has made a huge difference to my kids' overall enjoyment of school, which has helped my dd in particular really get engaged and improve her school performance.

Last quick thoughts - I'll second the suggestion above for headphones and possibly an mp3 player if that's allowed. My ds uses noise-cancelling headphones at home when his sisters get too loud while he's doing his homework (I suppose we're beyond pathetic when it comes to having to provide ds with accommodations for his sister's behaviors at home lol!). Our early elementary classrooms also had fidgets at each table for any of the students who wanted to use them to fidget with. When my dd used to want to get up and mover around during class, having one of those air-filled gnarly-looking seat cushions helped her. I am guessing with your ds though it's not so much getting up and moving around as it is holding his attention and engaging him.

polarbear

I'd say this was definitely true for our 2e ds - plus another thing that happened with our ds was his working memory score on the WISC actually improved between 2nd and 5th grade (considerably). His neuropsych said that's not all that uncommon, that working memory is the one piece of the IQ test that she sees improve sometimes as children mature, particularly as they approach middle-school age.

FWIW one of the things that our ds' teachers felt was a symptom of ADHD for our ds was an extreme challenge with organizational skills when he was in elementary school. Homework went missing all the time, even with tons of prompts and repetition of what-to-do-to-turn it in and a ton of oversight from teachers and parents. In hindsight, I am fairly certain a lot of the disappearing homework was tied to frustrations ds felt over his 2e challenges - he wasn't able to produce the quality of work he saw the other kids producing. He was frustrated. And he was definitely organizationally challenged on top of it - but he has worked through to the other side and is now a reasonably well-organized student who cares a lot about his work. I think there were three essential parts to how that happened - having someone (me) walk him through the steps repeatedly for a long time, having his 2e written expression challenges appropriately accommodated and remediated, and maturing.


You don't only have to wait and see - you can have an ADHD eval by a trusted dr. The thing I'd want to be sure of though is that whoever you go to for the eval also is open to the possibility of it being something other than ADHD. It was helpful for us to have a dr do the eval who also had children of his own who have LDs and who realized that an intellectually capable child could potentially be bored in the classroom. We found that in talking with teachers at school, there was a slant toward thinking all behaviors pointed to ADHD simply because they weren't used to looking for LDs in bright students.

polarbear

I have to apologize - I thought I read all the replies before I replied, but keep finding replies I didn't read.. so I'm answering out of order!

Anyway, given this, I might go back to his neuropsych for the follow-up that she suggested .. but.. the one thing that I think is missing here is - an ADHD diagnosis can't be given based only on symptoms being present in one environment (the classroom) - they also need to be present in the other environments a child is in (home). So you and your dh would also need to have filled out behavioral surveys indicating you're seeing behaviors that are symptomatic of ADHD. And I *think* I remember (but can't remember for sure if this is necessary for diagnosis) - but fwiw, our ped felt that another flag for us that indicated our ds didn't have ADHD was that the behaviors that were of a concern re distractibility etc did not occur before he went to school - we were told that if it was ADHD we would have seen signs of it when ds was younger. Instead, we were seeing behaviors only at school and the reason for those behaviors was due to what ds was being asked to do at school (the combination of working without help for his 2nd e and being bored with lack of intellectual stimulation).

I also would consider - perhaps the reason your dh and his relatives had issues with distraction etc in school in the early years might also be due to having been bored and/or dysgraphia etc.

polarbear

DS just had evaluations by the both the school and the neuropsych. He came out fine for ADHD but somewhat impaired for executive functioning--remembering what he's doing, being organized, etc. He has developmental coordination disorder and it's one of the symptoms. So at first everyone suspected ADHD, but his attention is just fine, he's just organizationally challenged. There is an inventory that you and the teacher can fill out for executive functioning as well as one that looks more at ADHD.

Thanks Polarbear. ... Well I have digested the info given to me at the conference and your posts as well as the other posts here. And I really do not have a clear understanding of what is going on at school with regard to specifics of attention.

I am thinking of requesting another conference, just like the one I had on Monday, with the same teachers - only this time I am prepared for what I am going to hear so I will be more prepared with specific questions. Also I want more time alotted for it so we can really disucss this without a big time crunch. And I want my husband there b/c he needs to hear this stuff too. What do y'all think? That's appropriate, right? For my husband, imo, it's different just hearing it from me than hearing it while sitting across from five teachers. Also, he usually doesn't say too much but occassionally he really does have good insight and has good questions...It would be nice to be able to discuss this together with him having first hand info.

I am also annoyed that when I brought the issues of him possibly being bored/disengaged I was immediately shut down by what I felt was a rather offennsive comment by the Gifted teacher in which she stated that "DS knows that if says he's bored everyone jumps." First of all, the gifted teacher has only had DS in her class (which, by the way, only meets for an hour twice a week) for one month so how would she come to this conclusion; secondly, Ds has been complaining that school is boring for about three years now and no one has ever "jumped" that I have noticed... Usually it is completely brushed off. So, where is this perception coming from and why does she have it? Should I explore this with her, do you think? I said nothing at the time but I am really bothered by it.

So in the meantime I am scheduling an appointment with a devlopmental ped who speciallizes in ADHD for an eval of adhd. We can use the recent Wisc testing and they will do an eval specifically for adhd... This place is THE center for adhd in the area and my insurance will cover it. They should really know ADHD at this place and I think I would feel comfortable with whatever they find. The wait is about 5 months out, though; so, in the meantime, I want to monitor what is going on at school and get more specific information.

So what do you all think of that plan?

I think a follow-up meeting that gives you time to prepare and also allows more time for the meeting is a really good idea.


I think it's appropriate +. First, I think it sends an important signal to the school staff that you and your spouse are on the same page and are both actively concerned and involved, so it's less likely for the staff to be able to put off your concerns as due to one over-doting parent.

Second reason I like to take my dh is that although he is quiet and doesn't have the time invested in thinking through the solutions/situations/etc with our kids at school as much as I do, he is a good listener and he almost always picks up on something that I might have missed, or sees something with a slightly different perspective etc which has been really helpful.

The third reason I like to bring my husband to meetings is going to sound like I'm gender-biased and living back in the '50s... and that's *so* not me... but fwiw... the school staff does seem to take him more seriously than they do me, and I'm pretty danged sure it's all related to his gender.


That would completely annoy me too. First and foremost, if people were jumping through hoops for him, you wouldn't have to be having so many meetings at school, would you?

I would ask them to specifically explain what they mean by "jumping through hoops" - and if they explain some type of behavior on the part of teachers that's actually happening, such as differentiation... if it's really happening, thank them for that and then ask if there's a way (or suggest a way) to create a situation such that your ds doesn't have to get bored first - for instance if he's finished a math worksheet really quickly and he's bored because it was too easy, let him have some challenging work to choose next and just make that a routine part of his day, not something he has to complain to receive.

Of course, I doubt anyone is really "jumping" to actually help him, so if the staff is saying he's getting attention by saying he's bored, ask what type of attention, what are they doing that's actually any kind of perceived "reward" for saying he's bored?

Or are they saying you as his parents are jumping because he's bored? I hope not - that would be just um, completely maddening.

Sooo... now that you've asked for clarity on the "jump" thing - move right into pointing out that yes, it's perhaps not a good setup for him to be able to say he's bored and get attention for it (or whatever) BUT... it's also a sign that he needs more challenging work, so the team needs to focus on that and come up with a solution.


On the one hand I would ask her this directly, on the other hand I would consider that it's possible she's had feedback from his other teachers indicating this, or that it's possible that if he's saying he's bored often, she's heard it several times by now and is projecting forward that she'll continue to hear it.


I think this is a powerful point to use in advocating if the statement about saying he's bored and people jump comes up at your next meeting. No matter what tone it's said in, simply state again - he is bored. He is telling you he's bored. He's been telling us he's bored for three years. He's bored.


If it comes up again, you might consider letting the teacher know that the statement bothers you. It feels to me like they are putting the responsibility for the situation on your ds, when really the responsibility lies with the school staff.


This all sounds like a really good plan, Irena - including watching and observing what is going on in school while you wait for the eval.

Hang in there! And let us know if you get a meeting scheduled

polarbear

Thanks Polarbear!

I have thought more about the GT teacher's comment that "DS knows when DS says he's bored everyone jumps." And, in addition to all that you have said on the matter, the fundamental problem I realize that I have with her statement is the light in which she seems to view my son. To me this sounds like she sees him as manipulative as someone who complains that he is bored and unhappy at school just to see adults "jump" for him. First of all, he has never actually said that he is bored to her.. he has said it to me about certain subjects, in particular math. He has said he hates math class even though he loves math because it is so boring and I believe him! The work is well below him... He also has said it in the past about the books available because the books are boring, below his level and not of his interest. And I have gone to the school about these issues in an attempt to remedy them and I rarely get anywhere except for lately and still I HAD to buy books and give them to the school for him to have some books on his level.

MY son said to me a few weeks ago the following:
"Kristopher says that he loves school. I am jealous of that. Why does he love school and not find it boring like I do? Why is he having fun? What am I missing? I want to like school, I have to go there everyday... I am so jealous that everyone else seems to think it is fun and I am not enjoying it. I can't figure out what I am missing." It was really kind of sad. He's not lying when he says he is bored, he really is bored. It is not the entire problem but it is or has been part of the problem.

So I we got a follow-up scheduled. DH can come and listen to how DS is off in his world all of the time LOL (b/c these mneetings/conferences are such a pleasant experience)

So any advice or insight is welcome.

I was told "some kids like to say they don't like school" but we should just ignore them because really all kids like school.

Oh and saying they are bored just means they don't want to do the work or it is too hard for them.

I've heard some of the same comments as puffin mentioned.

I was also asked (when ds was 5) if I really thought he knew what bored was? He did and was. As a matter of fact, still is not challenged.

Yay - I'm glad you have a follow-up scheduled, and glad your dh will be able to come (if for no other reason than that he will at least get to see what you have to put up with at school meetings!)


I feel confident you already have a good handle on how to address this if it comes up at the meeting, but fwiw - think that given this teacher's attitude, you just have to ignore her comments and keep the meeting focused on the issues. If she makes a comment like this again, ignore and repeat whatever concern/solution etc is being discussed at the time. If (and I doubt this would happen... but just in case "if"....) another team member chimes in and either agrees or asks about the comment, thenI might consider a tactic where you say "If it is an issue that ds speaks up when he is bored, let's add this to the agenda to discuss as a separate item after we've gone through the rest of our agenda items, but let's keep on track for now". You could also turn it around on her and say "I'm glad ds is advocating for himself by letting you know when he's bored."


Do you have some work examples from home that show the level he's capable of working at? Lists of books he reads at home etc? You might not need them for the meeting, but I found it was helpful to have those types of examples on hand in case things like this did come up in discussion. If the teacher complains that he says he's bored, whip out an example of what type of work is coming home from school, and an example of the type of work he's doing at home. Show the rest of the team that he *is* bored


This is straying a bit OT here, but I'm just curious - couldn't they let your ds choose books from the school library that are higher level than what's available in his classroom? I know some schools get really picky about separating out which books kids can read depending on grade level, but this is something I think is worth bringing up in your meeting. There are most likely other kids at the school who are stuck with not much of a reading selection if the books children are able to select are so tightly controlled. I'm about to ramble here so forgive me, but I wonder if there's a chance here that if you asked if there are other children in the classroom or grade near ds' reading level if the school could possibly pull together a set of books that is higher level for them to choose from, or make an exception that allows them to choose higher-grade-level books from the library. Just wondering if this might be an area that you could work through finding a group of kids who would benefit so it's not all about your ds. And if it falls flat with the principal, would your school's parent organization be interested in tackling the issue?


I would leave other children's names out of it, I'd leave my emotional response out of it, and I wouldn't bring it up first thing, but if your meeting isn't going well, I'd tell them exactly what your ds has said about being bored at school. It may not be a valid reason (in the eyes of the school staff) to make a change, but it's evidence that the current situation isn't a good academic fit. If it was the *only* evidence you had of that, it most likely would sound to the staff like a parent wanting special treatment for her ds - but the thing is, you have a preponderance of *other* evidence. So let the school know he's bored!

Sending you good wishes for your meeting - let us know how it goes!

polarbear