... hardly speaking to me because she was so angry... people on the school's team... had told her "Well, blame your mother - she's the one making us do this" whenever there was something DD didn't like.
This is the "divide and conquer" technique.
... It's not easy when their strengths lay in the comprehension area and they are intuitive and sensitive to boot.
Exactly. Gifted needs go beyond academic, these kiddos need social/emotional support and affirmation just as any kid does.
Some districts require students to attend parent-teacher conferences. As you mentioned, things may be said in this context which may negatively impact the child, while parents may feel blindsided and unempowered. (This is not the type of circumstance I was thinking of in my post after a side conversation; The conversation was about having optional, casual free-flowing discussion when it was believed the child was focused on something else and fully occupied.)
Whether someone may be refuting that a kid is lonely because they observe kids gravitating to them and flocking around them... or whether someone may be asking if a child feels better about a particular placement or accommodation... kids may feel badly hearing these things. They are not necessarily reprehensible things, but they may show a lack of understanding. For example, A kid can still be lonely when others enjoy their company, if this kid realizes the others may not be on the same wave length. Everyone has a different set of experiences and may believe they are being helpful (in this example, by pointing out how popular the child may be).
Through various advocacy processes, we have become familiar with Socratic Questioning, including formulating a list of what the opposing views may be. Questions in this example may be, "Is the student aware of others flocking to them?" Might the student still be lonely? Why might they be lonely even when surrounded by others? Who does this student prefer the company of? (knowing all the while the answer would indicate - older kids, intellectual peers, adults) These types of questions may help remove an impasse. In this example, the parents might not just accept that the child is popular therefore should not be lonely. Rather, they may lead with questions to a possible solution of cluster grouping with others of similar readiness and ability.
To take a more difficult example, upon hearing a child was "too much trouble", a parent might ask questions to quickly separate the "child" from the "trouble", and may ask an active listening question to verify that the opposing view being aired is centered on budgetary concerns, then reframe the issue as the budgetary concern and solve that.
This may be difficult to do in the moment. With practice asking questions which crystallize the debate we become better at preparing for meetings and even thinking on our feet during random casual encounters which may seem to go awry.
One person in a leadership position was known for questioning, seeming to play devil's advocate. What a refreshing surprise it was to later see him take all this information gathered by questioning, probing, and challenging, and draw on it to confidently answer each concern and objection posed by the opposition, effectively driving through much welcome change.
While much of the meeting prep tips and advice from parents on gifted forums focus on beefing up our view, some find much success in considering opposing views and how they may be addressed.
