indigo-- you know, DD did a really extensive research paper on the subject of altruism as heroic behavior less than a year later. She studied the Righteous of Nations and the Holocaust for several months at 10yo, eventually concluding that nobody
really knows why some people behave so badly, and others will sacrifice everything for people they don't even know. I have to think that this interest was ultimately triggered by that situation.
While she has always been OE on social justice, this changed her.
Now she becomes like some kind of avenging goddess. You know the
transformation that Galadriel undergoes to scare the heck out of Frodo in LOTR? Yeah-- like that. This really surprises people because she is so easygoing and mild-mannered, and outwardly advantaged in every way. So it really surprises people when they reveal themselves as major bigots and she immediately downgrades them permanently in terms of respect and friendship. She views it as a kernel of irredeemable evil. Yes, they are human, but they also have just revealed sociopathy, and that tends to be a fixed attribute. It's that simple to her; she will NEVER trust such a person fully again. I used to think that this was simplistic of her, but I'm increasingly convinced that she's probably right.
I warn other parents about the possibility of exposing a child to that kind of adult hostility. It's horrifying to have your child listen to adults who SHOULD care for them-- being dismissive or downright hateful for things that they cannot help. Adults really underestimate how much of this children can understand and absorb. HG+ kids are far more vulnerable in that regard. Ironic, isn't it, that these same adults are often expressing concern about older peers or what is "age-appropriate" in some way...
I know other parents who strategize by bringing their kids into meetings-- to "personalize" the issues on the table, and make adults behave in a more professional and caring fashion. You know-- because little ears and eyes are watching. I know many families for whom this has worked wonderfully. Obviously you have to do it at some point with disability so that the child learns advocacy skills.
I'm issuing a caution about that practice as strategy, however-- because of the high cost to the child if that gamble does not pay off as expected. If the situation is already into hostile/contentious territory, DO NOT expect involving your child directly to improve things. There are truly adults who simply do not care. I wouldn't have even
believed that until I saw it happen. Their attitude was that WE had "chosen to involve" our child in what should have been an "adult matter." I still disagree and think that if things are being said ABOUT my child that she shouldn't hear-- maybe the adults saying them ought to be keeping those things to themselves. Be aware that they don't/won't, and they'll blame you for the hurt they cause. If it happens to be a classroom teacher... be aware that you're asking your child to be compliant with a person who that child KNOWS is untrustworthy and doesn't care about him/her. Few HG+ children are going to take that well.
Finally-- consider that last point in a child with high social/emotional/empathetic skills. Even if they ARE NOT privy to details, if a classroom teacher reveals that kind of hostility, I'd consider that a do-not-pass-go kind of moment. No way do I believe that my child can remain ignorant about that adult's attitude toward her; I certainly don't need to tell her for her to figure it out.
