Another concern that I have with so many families here saying they left the schools when they encounter these situations is that may very well be the intent behind some of this.
I share this concern-- but look, if it DOES get to that point, you really
should file a complaint with OCR over due process and retaliatory conduct. While they aren't a ton of help re: specific accommodations and stonewalling regarding same, they ARE tigers when it comes to retaliatory behavior, hostility and hectoring during the process.
Which is good, because frankly,
most administrators HAVE to consider it a "win" when a 2e (or merely disabled) student's parents decide that they've had enough.
I experienced a truly sobering moment when my DD was about 7yo, and we were taking a (side-by-side) beginning strings class that was taught inside local elementary schools. We showed up at a non-neighborhood school, and because of my DD's disability, we opted to wait in the office to "talk to" the instructor (who was not an official school district employee, but that of the strings program). We were flexible on the day of the week and the time, but needed to find out from the instructor where we'd have the fewest problems w/r/t the disability issue. Quite honestly, we needed for this class to NOT be in certain environments, and weren't looking for CHANGES to the program, but fact-finding to figure out where we could fit in relatively easily...
Well, us waiting in the office aroused administrative/principal concern, apparently-- like, what are they doing there? Why are they here? Are they planning to just sit there for long? etc.
The secretary addressed the principle thusly (apparently she didn't know that we could hear EVERY.WORD.);
"Oh, they're here because {other location} is a problem because of {child's disability, at length}. They thought it would be better to wait here."
"WHAT?? Oh no!! Are they new??" (panic in voice)
"Oh, don't worry-- they aren't ours. They're districted for {other school}. No worries! They'll only be here for today, apparently."
"Oh, that's GREAT."
My DD was stunned. She already knew that she was
persona non grata-- but this was one of the first times that she heard it so openly displayed in front of her on the part of an adult. I'm sorry to say that it was far from the last time-- nor was it it anything like the most hurtful, either. At least they didn't already know us.
We knew better than to even ASK for what she clearly
needed for the pushback that we knew would ensue. She might have had the RIGHT under the law, all right... but no way was her collection of needs "reasonable" by most administrative standards, and there you have a recipe for abject misery for all.
So we homeschooled. It was that or risk my DD's life daily for academics that didn't stand a chance of meeting her needs. Some choice.
