Originally Posted by HowlerKarma
But the objection is about doing them because of how they will probably SEEM to others, rather than because of some inner compass or drive to do them.

Yes, that is it exactly. I was trying and failing to get at this idea. I've seen the damage this kind of conditioning can do: good friends have spent ten years or more and gone through a lot of pain getting over it as best they can.

The worst part is that people in these situations often think that they're the only ones who aren't happy. Everyone around them is so thrilled with being the way we are --- it must be me, right? There's something wrong with me because I'm so unhappy, and it's all my fault and I don't dare talk about it. (Wrong; many or most of the people around you are acting, too).