This is a really interesting thread. In terms of all the snarky discussions, this is what I love about this board, even when there re opinions flying all around, I stop and think, well what do I do, and why do I do it. I love that there are so many different parenting approaches but targeted towards kids more like mine than I usually see.
We fall in the forced apology camp (although I had not thought of it that way) but not exactly the same and for the same reasons. When DS was smaller, 2 maybe, we would take him into his room after a transgression and tell him he needed to stay and think about it until he was ready to apologize. Initially it was just a way of not saying time out which I hated the idea of, but saying you need to calm down, think about why you were here, and it gave him a way to reengage - shouting from his room, I am ready to apologize. And then we would discuss what happened, why, and how to move forward.
We still do that but the forced appologies now are more about recognition that he has wronged someone, which he can be oblivious to. So more like being reminded of saying please and thank you.
What I haven't liked and we have had to deal with is the attitude that you can do something wrong, not really be sorry and yet try to get around it by saying sorry. Interestingly he always has a different tone when he does that.
In our house, the whole thing is ritual now, with the I accept your apology signaling the end of the big fuss and the adults and child do it. It is very touching to see a 5 year old solemly accepting a parents apology for yelling, or some thing like that.
It is interesting how responses become patterns, and when you need to adjust them. Food for thought here for me.
DeHe
Last edited by DeHe; 07/29/11 04:44 PM. Reason: Bad spelling as usual
