After telling DS not to suck on his thumb, he tried to hit me. I told him to apologize, and he did and cried.
I don't think he needs to apologize for 'almost hitting' you - even if you 'helped' him not to hit you.
Then again, I'm not into the 'forced apology' thing. I'd rather say something like, "I see from your sad face that you are thinking "I'm sorry I hit you Mommy" ' that way you are teaching the desired behavior without a big lecture, in a way that isn't adding insult to fury.
As for thumb sucking, I was very luck that my son didn't suck his, but I would take a very good look at 'why' you are telling him not to suck his thumb in the first place... it's his thumb, and I promise that if you understood the stress a 2.5 year old giftie goes through in a single day, you'd be offering your own thumb.
At 2.5 it's great that you are giving him 'warnings' about what is coming up, but I would be very careful about getting emotionally involved if he can or can't make use of the warnings. Hitting is your son's way of showing that he doesn't like what is going on. Don't let him hit you, but this isn't a sign of your bad parenting or his internal badness - it's just what he does when he is angry. Praise every time he uses gental hands, and every time he uses his words. If he yells "I don't want to go to bed" that is a big step forward and you can praise that he didn't hit. If he shows the slightest hesitation in hitting - you can praise his self control.
As smart as he is, he won't be good for much when he is emotionally 'hijacked' - and if you look around at most adults, we are the same way. And as smart as he is, you can 'trick him' into behaving with more and more self control, co-operation, emotional strength by pointing out all the ways he already has those qualities.
Parenting is a very yucky job at times. I don't like having to give orders, or being disobeyed. You are posting here - which means that you are a caring parent, sensitive to your child, who wants things to go well - good for you! You have the 'Transforming book' already - great first step. Take your pure frustration and hold it inside you for a minute and turn it into an energy source to up your parenting skills. Go determination. Go Sensitivity. Go Mom!
Smiles,
Grinity
