Okay-- crossed posts with you again.
She is adored by teachers but only the teachers admire her integrity, ability and still being humble. She usually won't be liked by the teachers who prefers teachers pets. She got in trouble a lot with those types of teachers because she's too playful in class before. DD dislikes pleasing others for no reasons.
WOW. Okay-- maybe I'm misunderstanding something here, but...
she is "adored" by
some teachers-- those who... admire her innate greatness and tremendous positive qualities, yes? And don't object to her verbal "wittiness" presumably?
What, precisely, constitutes teachers who have "teacher's pets?" Is this just teachers that your DD feels don't respond "properly" to her? Or is it when a teacher picks a DIFFERENT "pet" than your DD? Because it sounds to me like she NEEDS to be teacher's pet and mostly always has-- and that this is even a possible driving force in a lot of her behavior. (Is it a driving force in YOURS?)
Is "playful" here a bit of a euphemism for "mouthy?" That is a common characteristic of some gifted kids, and some teachers tolerate it better than others... but it sounds to me like your DD
resents being told "not here/now, please." Frankly, at 14, the expectation IS that she can turn it off when it's inappropriate, and the kids who can't are probably not going to be well liked by some teachers, because those teachers see them as
discipline problems. If this is more than a couple of teachers in a high school career, then the problem probably isn't the teachers.
I don't think that I'd assume that your DD's reports here are 100% accurate. Because it seems to me that she's basically singing the same tune-- she's blameless, and when people don't treat her well, it's because they are bad and it has nothing to do with any error of hers.
I'm not buying it. I don't buy that even in my own DD, fwiw.
I realize that the instinct is to NEVER find fault with our own kids-- but it might be time to do a gut check here and ask yourself if it's possible that you have been helping her to make excuses.
Pleasing others for no particular reason, whether the other person "deserves" it or has anything that we want in return at the moment; well, this is kind of how friendships work.
In light of that, perhaps some of her potential friends have distanced themselves from her because they feel that she's keeping score and trying to
purchase their loyalty using the currency of favors, gifts, etc.? Is it possible that they feel manipulated? Or is it possible that your DD has devalued those friends (or characterized their behavior as "betrayal" to you) because they haven't done as she wished after she invested in them? I find it VERY strange that she consistently approaches kids who are less intellectually able than she is. Again, red flag. It's either that she's intimidated (or threatened?) by her intellectual peers, or that she's looking for people that she DOES feel entitled to relationships with-- on HER terms. Or-- and again, back to my very first post here-- she is looking for kids that are likely to be more easily
manipulated.There's something about this that doesn't add up completely. Sorry if that seems harsh; but I think that it's possible that you're being manipulated or just that your DD isn't being entirely forthcoming with you about HER role in her interpersonal difficulties, and that you are choosing to let her off with handy excuses. You're hearing her side and assuming that it is entirely accurate. That's not always a good thing even with a scrupulously honest teen; their perception filters are just quirky.
A single interpersonal problem might not be the person's fault, but a string of them... tends to be pointing at
something being off. I don't think for a second that this is merely her anxiety disorder. Have you tried asking one of the teachers who "dislike" your DD
why they haven't warmed up to her? Ever asked one of these "former" friends or their parents what the problem was between the kids?
I would do that.
