Yes, me, too. That combination is a TERRIBLE burden-- I know. My parents LIKED my high achievement, so even though they probably knew that something was amiss... they were reluctant to "discourage" me from taking such a responsible attitude toward school-- so I internalized that the high achievement was all that was of value about myself, and when I couldn't keep doing it (in light of the crippling burden of perfectionism, noted above) then I was officially...
worthless. Parents of teen girls do NOT want to know the rest of that story.
My last bit of advice for now--
discuss OPENLY that "best" is a subjective term. The only definition which matters is situational and internalized. EXTERNAL validations are merely ancillary. Period. They may
indicate to us where we have learning to do, or have reached mastery... or they may mean little.
But they aren't about our self-worth. EVER.
Make room for something other than those external benchmarks. Let your DD know that it's OKAY to feel anxious about withdrawal from that drug of choice (approval/awards) but that you're worried about how much of herself she's investing in school-- and how little in other things that also matter.
Those other things that matter are habits for a lifetime-- healthy habits that keep us grounded, tied to our inner selves, and ready to tackle problems as they arise.
