I really can't identify with this at all (my DD is the polar opposite of this, emotionally speaking-- though she is also very playful, witty, and high-achieving)-- but I do have some insights into this. Sorry-- some of this is going to sound quite harsh. Please forgive me, but my own young teen (also PG) is recovering from extended abuse delivered by a peer with a probable narcissistic personality disorder. In other words, my kid is one of those kids that your child evidently "hates," and feels is "unworthy" of her friendship.
Yes, other HG+ people are rare but... um... it does seem a bit suspicious that your child (and you, apparently?) feel that there is nobody -- and apparently, nobody even "close"? to measuring up within her demanding IB program? Unless this is a fairly small program and she's never been grade accelerated, that's statistically unlikely even for a PG child. Now, that doesn't guarantee compatibility-- I get that, and this is my DD's reality as well. She has few similar-ability peers who share interests. Like your DD, she isn't a terribly "geeky" or "awkward" girl. She's very popular, but she has few friends who truly "get" her, and she's also three years younger than any of those peers. I can see how she really would be light years beyond any peers if she were an 8th grader right now (unaccelerated). So on the academic side, it may be true that she's "the top of the top" but that seems to only be tangential to SOME of the things you're describing.
Being that way doesn't automatically translate into feeling superior. Your daughter sounds arrogant, and maybe a little mean-spirited with peers. Unvarnished truth. Has she NEVER been around other PG children? It'd be interesting to see how that played out. I'd probably make an effort to get her that exposure-- if it's truly that she's lonely, she'll find a better peer group, and if it's not, at least it will be far more evident to you that something is amiss.
How does she feels about her teachers? Her coaches?
Honestly, that outwardly-directed perfectionism CAN be a serious red flag. The fact that your child can't maintain any close friendships? Yeah-- that's not a good sign, either, because it indicates very all-or-nothing thinking and possibly a lack of empathy for others. I also find it telling that you describe her as "funny" and verbally "witty" and then go on to hint that peers also "pick up on" her judgments about them. My guess, having seen this dynamic in action? She may actually intend for them to feel cut to ribbons by her sarcasm, and it's possible that she is using her voice as a weapon. Not everyone who is "witty" makes other people feel disliked or devalued.
It sounds as though your DD believes that she is better than everyone else she knows.
Is this actually TRUE? Is she that "perfect?" Have you asked teachers/counselors?
In what ways is it true? I find it very difficult to believe that your child knows NO people who exceed herself in integrity, honesty, loyalty, altruism, athletic ability, musical talent, etc. Or is it that if it's NOT an area of excellence for her personally, then it is worthless? Is it that anyone who doesn't AGREE with her must by extension be "stupid" or corrupt? It's concerning that she is so judgmental, frankly.
She is social, but... is isolating herself because nobody else measures up?? And she "hates them?"
WOW.
Sorry-- I know that as parents we're often quite reluctant to consider flaws in our own kids. But you did ask.
If I were you, and assuming that this is something that you've seen for quite a long time, I'd be involving a counselor.
People like this can be setting themselves up for a lifetime of personal unhappiness-- and just as importantly, they make everyone AROUND them miserable, too-- in extreme cases, the reason why they "have no friends" isn't actually that they "choose" to have no friends, but that they can't sustain friendships with others because they don't really have the empathetic skills required to BE friends. Again, at the extreme end... but narcissistic people destroy other people. Some narcissism is normal for adolescence. But parents are often not in a good position to see when pride and self-confidence cross the line.
As noted at the top-- this is simply what I'm picking up from your post. Others have already covered the "loneliness" aspects of things. Please understand that I do get that aspect of this, having a DD who is in a similar situation. It's just that my DD's response to it has been radically different than what you're describing. What do school counselor/teachers think about your daughter's self-imposed isolation? What do they say to you about her interpersonal skills?
