I can understand if a program is simply not right for a kid, a kid isn't putting in the needed effort, or there is no way to adapt the curriculum for a kid with a disability, but your DS is trying hard and would do fine there if they would just do some very simple things to help.
I think the crux of the matter is they do not think the program is a good fit for DS, but don't understand that he would have the exact same issues in any middle school program, since it is all about his EF and communication skills. I don't think he has any more work to manage than he would in a traditional school setting, but I do think the expectation is these students are more functional than the average MS student, and DS is far less so.
His challenges aren't going to go away and I'm doubtful any of them will improve/resolve without focused and direct intervention.
What does DS need? Do you know for sure what appropriate accommodations look like for him? Is he in the middle of a process of learning some things that can be supported and then let go?
I think what he really needs is an IEP and some direct, contextualized instruction. I don't know if this is going to happen.
Where you see noncompliance, you can say, "this one doesn't seem to be working. Can we problem solve on this so that DS gets his needs met in a way that is more practical for the teacher?" (usually this has been answered with how it is very practical...)
I've tried this approach already. I've said my desire is to keep this as low-demand on teacher as possible. I've offered to give up the accommodation that was, evidently, annoying his teacher. I bought a book for his class because he wasn't coming home with what he needed. I suggested if we could come up with a system for DS to turn in his work, we wouldn't need to scan/email--since the work is always in his backpack.
They weren't bad people. They just needed to see how in a practical way they were supposed to carry things out and they needed to see for themselves the difference it made.
I don't think they are bad people. I think they are coming from a place of not understanding that DS can do this work and needs the accommodations and would need them regardless of placement. I guess they don't think a child who needs this level of support should be in this program. The funny thing is that it's not a lot of extra work. Also, it's only in one class. The others have been no issue whatsoever.
I would keep a notebook or some sort of electronic document of non-compliance for your own personal use (in case you need it later), for instance "Sept. 18th--teacher didn't sign planner, and therefore a math assignment wasn't recorded and didn't get done." Don't necessarily email about every episode, but if it gets to be a regular occurrence with a certain teacher then email 504 manager (or whoever) and say "planner wasn't signed on 5 different dates, and it resulted in late assignments on 3 of them. Can we ask the teacher if there is a way to make it easier?" If the teacher comes back and says "that's not true", you have the dates and specifics.
I'll do this and I do have everything recorded, just not in one place.
The problem with all of this is that people get very defensive and want to pin the blame on someone else (most likely you or your DS). I also think a lot of teachers simply don't understand these sorts of disabilities, like ADHD, and think the kid is getting away with murder and just not trying very hard. They don't understand it's a real neurological difference.
I don't think it's a matter of not believing DS has a disability (especially since the program encouraged me to seek neuropsychological testing, even with the ADHD diagnosis). I really think they don't think DS should be in this program with his disabilities, and probably that I am in denial about the whole thing.
Ironically, his lowest grades are in his two MS (gifted classes)--80% and 85%. He has one 89% and the rest are over 95%, in his high school classes. There have been no issues with compliance in those classes and it's been low maintenance. He's been scanning/emailing assignments in those as backups but they haven't been necessary. He's used his extra day only once, that I'm aware of, following an absence.
