Sorry to hear it's been a rough week eco -
DS missed classes last week for medical appointments and was penalized in class for "participation points" in one
I wouldn't let this one slide by - I'd email the teacher, state what you understand had happened - no emotion or judgment or indication that anything unacceptable had happened - just state that your ds had been out of school for medical appointments and missed class on x day, and that you understand (or have seen?) that he was graded low on "participation points" on that day. Ask if that is what has happened, and if so, can the grade be changed since it was an excused absence. If the grade can't be changed, can he make up the work. If the answer is "no" to this or if the teacher suggests he do something unreasonable to make up the work, I'd take the situation and response up a level, and request a meeting with the 504 coordinator, or perhaps the principal. I realize as I'm typing this that there are also political considerations here due to the struggles with your school, but fwiw, that's my first response! I do think you can approach this in a non-adversarial manner, take the stance of seeing it as a misunderstanding that needs to be resolved.
I ended up embroiled in an ultimately fruitless email marathon in an attempt to understand his 504 accommodations regarding makeup work deadlines.
It sounds like the accommodations aren't outlined clearly - which is good reason to call a 504 update meeting. You could bring up the issue above (missing class and being penalized) at the same time.
I ended up canceling a therapy (CBT) appointment for him today because he would have missed class and I don't want to make things worse. He needs the counseling.
One of the toughest things I found on our 2e journey was trying to fit everything in. We had some therapies that we had to do during school, others that we couldn't get appointments for during school hours and had to do after. By the time my ds was in middle school, missing school was tough for him in many ways. Missing school is still tough in high school too. Is it possible to schedule the CBT at a different time?
At this point, DS says (very factually), "In my defense, it isn't my fault this time."
When pressed--he explains (again, unemotionally)--that he'd stayed after one class a little late to discuss his planner, so he hadn't put it away in his backpack. He said he was carrying it, and an older student ran up to him, smacked it out of his hand, yelled "F the Police," and ran off.
DS isn't worried about it and does not feel it's bullying since it only happened once.
I know this isn't going to be particularly helpful, but fwiw, recognizing what is and isn't bullying can be tough at your ds' age even for neurotypical children.
Why didn't DS explain this to the teacher? The answer to that is he is oblivious, and didn't realize an explanation would help the teacher understand when the teacher told him he needs to take better care of his planner. So more negative perception of DS not caring.
Again, no helpful advice but btdt... and I also wonder - are you sure that it's just being oblivious in not recognizing that he needs to explain, or is it possible he doesn't really know how to approach the explanation?
I also worked through some homework with him and in some cases, when he doesn't understand directions, he just skips questions or answers them ineffectively. Why, DS, do you not ask for help? He explained that he knows *how* to ask for help (i.e. what words to use) but not *when* he needs help. How can he not understand this?
My advice here is to not spend too much time on the "How can..." thoughts and just make note of the gap in understanding, explain, instruct, and repeat/repeat/repeat until he gets it. Show by example. Give him structure and support in answering so he can do it in small, simple ways to start and see the success and get the idea of how it works, then gradually build up to where it will sink in as more of an automatic understanding.
He doesn't want to look weird and wants me to tell him if he does--but he is clueless. He is a really nice looking kid (I'm biased, but he really is!) but I'm wondering if his affect is becoming more and more noticeably different.
He's aware and trying. He's relying on your advice. I am not sure about his affect, but I do see one thing that is *very* positive here - he's got you in his corner, and he knows it. He's coming to you for advice. Those are the cornerstones that will support you both when things are tough.
I don't know how to advocate for him because it seems like teachers either "get it" or not, and there's no room in the middle.
That's been our experience too. With the teachers who don't get it, you just have to keep advocating, keep your advocating simple, straightforward, focused on facts and data. Over time, some of the teachers might respond and "get it" - some won't - but you'll have at least done what you could.
Hang in there!
polarbear
