Originally Posted by JonLaw
Originally Posted by Dude
Ditto normative boy culture. Both are toxic, just in different ways. We're basically talking about people trying to fit into stereotypes, and that's never fun.

I think that some people like fitting in.

Girls are often taught that choosing NOT to do so robs them of all value. Inherently, I mean.

As my DD put it...

So... dumb guys go for dumb girls. Check. Smart guys go for girls who are dumber than they are... check. So remind me again what is left for "smart girls?" RIGHT. Cats; that's what.

She's sort of nailed this one, unfortunately. The response from other adolescents when she shows them who she really is... is overwhelmingly NEGATIVE, and sometimes even hostile when you get right down to it. Because just by being herself, she tends to stoke the flames of others' insecurities, and other adolescents respond by sniping at her and cutting her down. Nobody seems to want a friend that is better than them (or at least their equal) at almost everything. Girls are particularly nasty this way, but romantically interested boys tend to do it to her, as well-- probably because they automatically assume she's out of their pay grade, but it still stings to know that WHAT you are is unacceptable to others.

So yeah.

I think that boys who excel in the fine and performing arts face some of this same battle, actually.

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.