ways we can make this work
Unfortunately it sounds like you may be dealing with a very insular inter-relationship of organizations spanning institutions. Here are a few ideas about breaking it down into its various constituent elements and establishing facts.
You may wish to request dates/times for each item. For example...
We pointed out that it was the end of January and DD still did not have the audio books for the high level reading group and this had to be addressed. The school administrator got back to the district that we were mistaken and yes, DD did in fact have the audio books. Turns out they FINALLy got the audio CDs after this complaint, loaded them onto the teacher's computer and then reported to the district that she did in fact have them. Not "yes it took way too long and we were equally frustrated but they are now I place." No instead , "the parents were mistaken and the CDs are there."
You may wish to have the report include the date/time when materials were put in place, as well as who performed the function. The school would typically have records of how time was spent, when things were done, who was responsible/accountable (or may need to begin keeping such records).
Other parents have posted on recent threads that they have stated at the beginning of meetings that they would be recording the meeting so they are free from taking notes and can better participate. Recording meetings may help you as well.
You may wish to request information behind report statements such as reading group placement (ie - what facts substantiate 5/6th grade reading group is "above her level", after being told a few weeks ago that the 8th grade group was easy for her). It seems there were several items like this in your post, you may wish to make a list and ask them to "help you understand"... by providing the source documents behind these ideas in their report.
You may wish to make a list of discrepancies for a "help me understand" list for the teacher as well.
Meanwhile, I credit you for your composure. In regard to "attempted to intentionally exacerbate her anxiety", be aware of the possibility of this recurring and also the possibility of "relational aggression"... both of which can have devastating and lasting effects while being made to look accidental, coincidental, or non-existent. Remember the theory of six degrees of separation... as it applies to our children's education, the nemesis is never far away. It is wise to be cautious.
Wish I had more to offer than stay calm, break it down into its constituent parts, seek facts including date/time, record meetings, and ask them to "help you understand".
