Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Please help me regain perspective

OK folks I need you to help me regain perspective and get my head back into a good place about DD9's out of district placement. Sorry it's so long...

For 2 years I chronicled our struggles coming out of an awful inter district magnet that refused to even consider DD for an LD evaluation, punished her for her disabilities and in the process initiated school based anxiety and a PTSD type reaction to aggressive kids, angry adults and punitive behavior management techniques. Things started well at the local public following her 2E identification with a profile no one in the school or district had ever seen before. Unfortunately there was a really horrible principal at this school who targeted DD and, in the words of our pediatrician, "attempted to intentionally exacerbate her anxiety." DD was diagnosed with migraines and had a totally wasted year in 2nd grade as the district was totally incapable of meeting her needs. Educational consultant, spec Ed attorney, psychologist, neuropsychologist all became involved and we ended up with out of district placement at a (relatively) local spec Ed school.

I posted here about how amazingly well DD was doing in this placement. They are addressing the LD issues, incorporating assistive technology into all parts of her curriculum and have her in an 8th grade reading comprehension group to address her areas of strength. No signs of anxiety. Her migraines doing better - we have had to triple her preventative meds but no taking ibuprofen in school since September when she started bringing in Gatorade to drink through out the day.

All going great - right? I can take a well deserved break and just bask in the glory of DD's success. Well...

As part of the program the district arranged for an outside educational consultant to review her program to make sure her needs were being met. Our consultant and attorney both said this person was very good, very well respected. DH and I met with her and filled her in on DD's prior school experiences, we explained that we trusted the classroom teachers and were very impressed with the progress they were making in all the areas of weakness. Our concerns were that the school administration was really in many ways an extension of our distinct that we didn't trust. When for 3 weeks the district would not allow DD to touch the iPad they provided school did not take a stand to get DD access to it. When the district changed the school bus route to require DD to spend a full hour on the bus (thereby triggering a daily migraine) the school would not take a position to address it. The director told us in no uncertain terms that any questions or concerns we raise to them will be immediately turned over to the district. As we explained to the outside consultant we understood this as a business decision - a full 20% of the school's students are sent by our district. They need to protect that relationship. This does not, though, make it easy for us to trust them. The other concern was to make sure that they were really able to address the gifted portion of her 2E profile. We wanted to make sure the content of the 8th grade reading group would be appropriate for our then 8 year old. As part of her report consultant did not observe the 8th grade reading group or speak with the teacher. (Who we have never met. She has never come to an IEP meeting or PT conference. Or communicated with us for that matter.) Outside consultant posed the content questions to the regular classroom teacher who was, at that time, doing 1:1 enrichment once per week in an area of DD's choice. Obviously the content here was appropriate and we looked foolish in her written report for even asking the question.

Because of the nature of the school each student has a social/emotional goal in their IEP. The day before our last IEP meeting DD came home confused because the SW suggested a goal of "having her response match the size of the problem." DD was confused by this and couldn't think of a single example of when this would have been an issue. At the meeting the next day, with this consultant in attendance, I asked about this. The school staff acknowledged that this was an awkward, not very appropriate goal. We were assured that their were no real social/emotional issues and that they would talk to DD and together brainstorm a more legitimate goal to put into the IEP. As part of the discussion the teacher said that earlier that day DD had gotten upset, for the first and only time that year, because she had pointed out something one of her classmates was doing wrong and the teacher had told her that saying that would hurt his feelings. It's not really a problem but if they are looking for a social/emotional goal maybe look at not correcting her classmate's behavior. I asked why bother having a social/emotional goal if there aren't really any problems to be addressed. In the consultant's report this "problem" was referenced 4 times. DD was identified as behaving in an obnoxious way that was alienating her classmates. This behavior was not observed by the consultant, the teacher said she never said anything to her about it other than the brief reference at the IEP meeting and told us that it is absolutely NOT an issue.

OK so fast forward to January when we get this report and a request from the district for an IEP meeting so we can formally accept It. We say no. In our minds the primary purpose of the report was to see if DD's 2E needs were being met and the consultant did not address this. Unless/ until that is addressed we consider it an incomplete report and see no reason for a meeting. She also specifically stated in the report that both the classroom teacher and the school administrators had fully earned our trust. That is a very awkward one to try to correct...

We pointed out that it was the end of January and DD still did not have the audio books for the high level reading group and this had to be addressed. The school administrator got back to the district that we were mistaken and yes, DD did in fact have the audio books. Turns out they FINALLy got the audio CDs after this complaint, loaded them onto the teacher's computer and then reported to the district that she did in fact have them. Not "yes it took way too long and we were equally frustrated but they are now I place." No instead , "the parents were mistaken and the CDs are there."

A follow up call with the teacher, where she confirmed that she never said anything about DD being obnoxious or disliked and that that was a total mischaracterization, we also find out that the 1:1 enrichment has not occurred for a long time (ie, maybe December 1 or so) because of a schedule change. I pointed out that our main concerns about this placement have been whether or not they can meet her gifted needs and she didn't get the audio books, she's not getting her enrichment, the 8th grade teacher has never come to a meeting, etc. This all makes it look like the enrichment piece isn't being taken seriously and despite the progress being made with AT and the LD issues we have to decide if we need to look at pushing for the 2E school after all. She assures me that enrichment will be restarted the next day and that DD can have it every day during their "resource period" since she completes all her work in a timely manner and doesn't need that period to finish her work. Later that day I get an email saying teacher discussed all of this with the director and she "considers the report factually accurate." No longer a friendly, cooperative tone of voice. No longer a total mischaracterization.

Because of snow days last week DD had only 3 days of school. I was called each of those 3 days to authorize them to give her ibuprofen for a headache and to come to school early to get her. (2 of those days I convinced her to stay until the end of the day but not until I dropped everything and drove the half hour to the school.) I told them that they have doctor's orders on file and if DD needs ibuprofen they can give it to her - they don't have to wait until they reach me or DH. They claimed they were required under state law to speak to us first. I pointed out that our district regularly gave her meds as needed and sent a note home at the end of the day so it is obviously not state law. I also told them that we cannot send her into school if they will not medicate her if needed.

We got the consultant's addendum and teacher told her that her report was "100% accurate" and consultant is now recommending embedded social skills work. Totally opposite of what teacher told us. Now suddenly the 5/6th grade reading group is "above her level" where just a couple of weeks ago the 8th grade group was easy for her. Never any mention before about 5/6th being anything but super easy for her. I seriously doubt that DD's abilities have actually dropped. Seems like a change in attitude at work instead...

So now we have lost trust in the classroom teacher as well. We have no doubt that they are/will address the LD issues as this is a specialty for the school. However we don't consider it a coincidence that DD's migraines have ramped up as the teacher's attitude towards us has changed. We do not feel we can discuss our concerns with the teacher because she will send it right to the director who will send it right to the district. We do not want to communicate anything to the district unless we are at a point that we are willing to bring consultant or attorney into the issue. It seems that all of this comes from school and outside consultant (both paid for by distinct) being in a position to support district's position that 2E needs can/ are being met so we don't renew the fight for placement at the 2E school out of state.

So please, if you can, tell me why/how I should not let this shake our confidence in this placement. Help me regain trust. Help me brainstorm ways we can make this work.