Ok, I don't feel too off base in my response to the scenario after reading everyone else's responses.
How things work at my house is that Bear and Wolf will eventually be sharing a room and they already share nearly all their toys. Each child has special toys that are specifically theirs and they always get to say what happens with those. They tend to be toys with emotional attachments or things they have bought themselves. If we have problems like the one in the scenario (almost never happens because they have been taught manners and how to treat each other...) the toy would get a time out if it caused a fight. If it was just Bear throwing a fit, he'd get a time out and Wolf would get the ball.
Time outs generally aren't timed at my house. They are a time out from the situation until you are able to handle yourself around people with some semblance of manners again. The kids almost always get to decide when a time out is over (Bear sometimes needs help putting himself back together due to his issues).
I'm not an AP parent; I'm a pick and choose parent. I nursed and wore both boys, but no co-sleeping. We have rules and insist on manners and politeness, but the worst "punishments" ever given are taking a time out from the situation and sentence writing for things that require specific focus.
I've been at a loss as to what to do with the parent of the children in the scenario. She is a close friend, but I truly feel that the lack of any form of boundaries and discipline is doing the children a severe disservice.
