TwinkleToes,

I share your pain. Our dd (5) is also very dramatic, sensitive and bossy. We've found that she does this more at home than anywhere (she knows we'll love her and she can heap it on). At school and with others, she's very even-tempered.

We recently read "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Kurcinka goes through the process of helping to understand why our kids do what they do and how we can think about these things as strengths, i.e. persistence rather than stubbornness. The "bossiness" our girls display now, will shortly become leadership. It's forgivable to be learning it now, doing the same thing in her 20s will get DD into trouble.

She also has a scale of "spirit" and recommends that everyone in the family tally up their "spirit". In our family of three, on a scale of 9 to 45, we came in at 35 (me), 38 (DH) and 39 (DD). Kurcinka considers anything above 32 to be spirited, thus more prone to the types of issues you're running into.

I think it opened our eyes (at least a bit) to the idea that part of the situation is our own sensitivities and perfectionism.

I hope this helps!

Maryann