I posted this on another thread, but have you read Raising the Spirited Child by Kurcinka? When D15 was about 3, a neighbor showed up at our front door and gave me her copy. I was mortified... but it was a relief to find out that it wasn't just my kid who acted like that, and I got a few tips for dealing with her. Nothing really helped like time, though... D15 is mortified now when she hears stories of her behaviors at that age. It just took a lllooonngg time to teach her that just because she COULD do something didn't mean that she SHOULD do it.