I, too, generally find it easier to work with DS8 now than I did when he was doing homework assigned by the school. The contract we have REALLY helps. He accepts that the state requires a certain amount of work, and that I have promised that I would provide that. We treat is as a nonnegotiable duty.
Of course, he's human, and he has bad days sometimes, but they're generally rare if he's onboard with the schedule. We had 2 good years, and then at the start of this year, he wasn't really cooperating because of some minor schedule changes I'd made. It was a rough period. But we worked through it and things are good again. I adjusted the work to make it more challenging for him, and we talked more extensively about the reasons for the minor changes. Once he saw why things were different (and I gave him some other options, all of which he rejected as less desirable than what we were doing), he was back on the team.
I also try to make sure there are natural consequences: if he doesn't finish his work, his brother goes out to play while he stays in to work.
I do worry about how things would go with DS5 if we decide to homeschool him next year because he is more emotional and generally less cooperative with me than DS8 is. I think we'll work it out if homeschooling seems like the thing to do for him. But I'm certainly less confident about our choosing that for him than I was when we made it for DS8, who was VERY unhappy at school. For DS5, it's more iffy.
I'd recommend approaching your daughter as a partner. Top-down dictation of what she will do is generally going to be less effective than teamwork from the very planning of things. I'd say something like, "Here's the deal. You have to do some writing and grammar. That's not open for debate. But how we approach it--what you write about and how you learn it--is open for discussion. What would you like to do? What do you not want to do?" Research as needed and talk to her some more. Make a plan together and hold her to it.
I recommend if you find down the line that it's not working, be willing to adjust. We review what we're doing every semester at least, and more often if necessary. As long as you adjust because you're still learning what works and because it's the right thing to do, not to give in to her, it's a good adjustment. About the only thing you can do really wrong with homeschooling is to keep plugging away at something that just isn't working. The first year is all about learning--for the parent!
