Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy It's too much work: minivent and frustration

I am just seeing your response. That makes a lot of sense, although, it isn't necessarily an issue of "comparing" for me, but rather one of acceptance. For example, if I share anything that we do, (not randomly, just something that fits within the conversation) it's quite inevitable that someone will say to me, "You homeschool, there's no reason to push". What?! Why even say that to me? Especially given that they've have known me for months, albeit mostly at Park Dates when our children tend to spend time running amuk. It's just so frustrating! And happens no matter what I share!

For example this last time, we were talking about teaching our children the importance of follow through. I said that Boo has great follow through and focus when it's 100% on her terms, but that things can't always be 100% that way. She needs to do things because they are important, follow her actions through to their end (nothing dangerous or detrimental, of course).

Everyone gave an example of how this played out in their homes, recently, and I shared that Boo wanted to do "school". So I asked her to decided what she wanted, gathered the materials and helped her get started but that almost immediately she wanted to do something else and I just said "This is what you chose to do. This is your current task and you can do something else once it's complete. If you focus for a few short minutes, you'll be done very quickly" and whenever she got up to do something else, I'd direct her back to the table. The whole thing took less than 10 minutes with more than half that being my reminder to go finish what she started. Once she did it, she wanted to do more and I ended up having to stop her (needed the table back for dinner). She never would have done it or felt the sense of accomplishment if I hadn't *required* her to follow through on her choice. No the world wouldn't have ended, but it isn't as though I was having her do something that was beyond her abilities or interest. And yes, I do think it's fine for people, regardless of age, to change their minds. I do subscribe to the philosophy that as a parent it's important that I inspire my children and not require them to do things. They should be inspired to learn and they are! They love doing it, but sometimes I do think a bit of requirement in learning and life in general is important. I want to raise them to learn and do positive things because they have the drive to do those things internally, however what is wrong with saying and modeling and "requiring" that they finish what they start? I truly don't understand what I did that was so terrible. Please someone explain it to me. Use small words; I'm obviously not "getting" it.

Or the other night when the topic of reasons some homeschoolers might send their children back to school, someone mentioned the GATE program and in the same breath condemned any parent who would consider placing a child in such a program as clearly pushy - why else would they choose to have their child(ren) in GATE, et. al. I made an attempt to explain that there is such a thing as intellectual giftedness and not only does it exist there is a wide range of giftedness. Some kids need more, they learn at a faster pace, make connections deeper and between subjects more quickly than a child that is not gifted might, and programs such as GATE might be just what the child needs - depending on the child's needs and how the program is setup. That was all poo-pooed.

This then lead to my being on the receiving end of a patronizing look and the comment: "Kids even out by third grade. It's pretty much a given. Kids that don't even out, are...well, they are just the ones that tend to be weird throughout their lives." No amount of my saying, "All kids are different, even in the same family" makes a difference.

This is often, not always, but usually followed by at least one person backing this general idea by saying that they're "right" re: child development, because X methodolgy fits their child to a "T". Waldorf is one such method that is brought: "Waldorf states children should not be exposed to print until around age 8, because they aren't ready (mentally) to learn to read until then. Any parent who has a child that reads earlier, especially a very young child is just pushing them. I know because Waldorf's guidelines are spot on with my child. A kid might *seem* like they know stuff earlier but really they don't and they'll all be on the same page when they are 8 anyway." And this is supposed to be proof of *what* exactly?????? That some kids fall under that particular spectrum? Sure, I agree. I disagree with the notion that it applies to all kids, in all cases.


Don't get me started on the why would anyone want a 4 year old to read...or the why would a 4 year old *need* to read...or what would a 4 year old read, anyway? The first two implying that a 4 year old reads only because her parents pushed her into it and the latter implying that a 4 year old couldn't possibly comprehend what he read. These are from people who have seen *and* heard my 4 year old read (and my 3 year old do simple math: "Hey you have 8 gumdrops that's 3 more than me!"). Are they being purposely obtuse?

The *kicker* is that I like my group. I really do! Everyone brings something different to the table and I like everyone, too. When the topic of giftedness comes up (and I *NEVER* even mention the word or bring up the topic myself), however, I end up feeling isolated and sometimes the urge to vomit is quite strong.

Thank you for letting me vent. I didn't realize how much I needed that until I started typing.

Mizzou