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Are the teachers or coaches of her extracurriculars approachable? Both band and science Olympiad are important sources of social life for my kids, but it obviously depends on the atmosphere and structure of those activities. I think we are lucky, as the teachers/coaches seem to really get this and consciously foster the social aspect.

Our band has lots of opportunities for interaction outside of actual band practice- does she have a lesson group? Playing together in lesson group or a small ensemble gives some structure that can be helpful in getting to know different kids- kids here are in groups that play in competitions, or for adjucation/feedback at festivals, or for things like the talent show at school.

Science Olympiad stuff has been the most helpful- does she have partners assigned for her events? Having the event preparation as an excuse to invite kids over works well here- the close nature of the work forces them to get to know each other well. Our team also does a lot of practices where dinner is provided- again, eating together helps them bond (though it is a lot of work for the parents!) We have found that most of the SO team is somewhat quirky and different, and they are often introverted, so perhaps it is not just your DD, and some social engineering would be beneficial to others, too.

Just a note about reading at lunch- both my kids have had friends who read at lunch at various points during middle school. I'm sure it varies from school to school, but it seemed acceptable here. My kids also both have gone through stages where they played cards or other games during lunch- a good way to avoid some of the mindless small talk, and helped my DD "break in" to an all-boys table where she felt more socially comfortable (no talk about hairstyles, thankfully.)

My DD also went through a stage when she drew/doodled/cartooned a lot during lunch (again, made her feel more comfortable sitting with a couple of boys who liked to do the same.) Are there any kids in her art club who might enjoy some kind of lunchtime drawing? Perhaps the teacher could help you out here.

Good luck- middle school lunch is one of the toughest parts of school, I think.