Some might, alternatively, suggest that a habit of AVOIDING such terms, even when accurate, merely leads to a more passive-aggressive culture. This kind of thing then becomes a metaphorical game of "chicken" with emotional regulation and verbal acuity with euphemism governing the winners, because the underlying hostility is certainly not kept in check. It's my own hypothesis that such passive-aggressive games which tamp down negative feelings and leave them few/no outlets probably play some role in explosive acts of violence (such as school or workplace shootings).
Such cultural norms result in hidden and covert violence and barriers which then become more difficult to confront effectively-- they don't go away because of papering them with "nice." However, if one complains of being the victim of such antics, one is labeled as "difficult" or "antagonistic" or even "inappropriate."
It's just more dishonest. The best example of this is the patronizing elements of racist culture in the early 20th century "Jim Crow" laws-- separate wasn't equal, and everyone knew it, but saying so was "rude" or "offensive." Because apparently if one was African American, it was more "appropriate" to be pleased to have racially designated drinking fountains, schools, entrances, etc. smirk Complaining was seen as "offensive." Offensive to those who maintained the status quo, to be sure.
It is also what lay under misogynistic cultural norms of "protecting" women from the harsher realities of life-- like literacy, current events, politics/governance, ownership of property, equal pay, workforce participation, engaging in male-dominated activities.... that kind of thing.
This. Of course, one can go too far in the other direction, but I'd never consider "I hated this book" to be too far. "I hated this book and anyone who likes it is an idiot"--that is too far.
I'd be in a book club with this woman in a minute. She sounds interesting.
BTW, my husband and I both come from W.A.S.P. backgrounds but his family does the passive-aggressive stuff and mine is more the, uh, scream and yell variety. Again, scream and yell can go too far, but passive aggressive can make you feel literally insane, like gaslighting. Some may say you can see it in action here on these forums sometimes, too.
