My DS8 has some social skills deficits that we are addressing through therapy. It is helping him to understand that "other people have thoughts about what we say and do." So basic, but he really did not *get* this concept until social group therapy.
He can come across as argumentative, defiant, disrespectful, or bothersome-- and it was heartbreaking because he's not truly oppositional and so.... wants to be liked and valued.
The social therapy is helping him to understand *why* other people react to him in negative ways, and he's starting to be able to adjust his behavior accordingly (the second part will be a long work in progress). Before, DS just did not understand why people weren't onboard with his agenda or why teachers and peers did not appreciate his blunt honesty. For instance, when he did not begin a class assignment on "what I learned my field trip" because "he already knew the stuff being taught, and he didn't learn anything." (literally, he said this to his teacher).
All of this is sadly familiar. I begin to wonder at myself, sometimes, because I can't argue with the logic of "didn't learn anything" when it could be true.
It's almost like we have to raise them to be dishonest/manipulative.
My son's art teacher gives them worksheets where they are to respond to various famous paintings, similarly subjective. In response to questions like "How does this painting make you feel?" he might answer, "This painting does not make me feel anything." In that class, at least, the requirement is just that the student writes a complete sentence.
He's tried a little to up his game by writing things like, "It makes me feel sad." But I don't believe him--and those answers seem sadder to me than the honest ones.
It dawns on me slowly that the reason the teachers have been unable to give me specifics re: behavior this year is because it is a sort of non-specific issue, hard to quantify.
