Indeed. That is how we roll too.
Eco, you are doing a fantastic job, and so is DS. There are just some more things to learn.
Yesterday, teacher sends email saying DS has detention tomorrow for excessive talking, blurting out, etc.
I think of this as a May Problem. The teacher is ready to be done and short of patience. Also probably has no idea that there could be a disability involved, OR knows but is too tired to care.
When she told him he had detention, he responded with "it is only 15 minutes of my time." The last time he was assigned detention, he was hysterical...so *I* (thinking I was being helpful) tried to help him with perspective, by explaining it is not the end of the world, and is only 15 minutes of his time.
That WAS helpful. These coping statements one makes to oneself are the single best way of managing anxiety. I use them all the time. Over time you can teach DS to use them in many different situations-- they work beautifully.
The only problem was saying it out loud. Gotta work on saying it in the head instead.
She perceived his response as flippant--which I understand. I am not sure how to teach my son not to say things like this to his teachers. He does not seem to have any understanding of how to interact without being offensive.
Yep. He can learn to do this.
We worked on "when you have annoyed someone who has authority (teacher, police officer), the only thing you can really do is apologize and fix the problem."
We learned the four-part apology that floated around the internet a while back:
--say "I'm sorry"
--say why ("I talked too much in class.")
--say why it was wrong ("I know it annoys you when I don't stop talking for a while.")
--talk about the future ("I'll try to control myself better in the future"); fix the problem if possible
The idea here is to know how to take action to fix the relationship when you've annoyed someone. He took the good, necessary step of coping with the consequence but didn't know to repair the relationship. The 4-part apology is a rote-like strategy, but useful in so many situations and helps everyone in the situation feel better.
If you make a lot of mistakes, it is worth while to be an expert apologizer.
It seems like he needs direct instruction on every possible scenario--what to say, what not to say, how his behavior is perceived, etc. When I try to talk to him about these things--his underlying cluelessness becomes more and more apparent.
You are doing a great job identifying the problem and I am so impressed that he could deploy the coping statement after one conversation. He has the perfect parent for him (you). You both are going to get there.
