Well, honestly --- I'm not convinced that you're aware of just how toxic the environments at some of these schools are.
I don't doubt it exists, especially when there are strong parental expectations. We have tried to emphasize to our kids that what matters is the effort, and we let the results take care of themselves. The kids themselves will be sad when they fail, and there is no need to make it worse.
Remember that thanks to grade inflation and tiger parenting, high schools these days can have multiple valedictorians, with as many as 30 at some.
It was pure dumb luck that our school system doesn't have class ranks or valedictorians, and if you asked me ahead of time I would have said this was a terrible idea. Now I think that this is a great approach for all competitive schools, as it fosters cooperation among the top students.
When two 15-year-olds in as many months kill themselves in front of commuter trains, how many others are suffering damaging stress levels that are far beyond what they should be subjected to at such young ages?
Even one suicide is too many. Obviously many other kids are suffering. Schools should do what they can to minimize the stress, but most of the responsibility belongs to the parents, first to minimize the pressure, and second to understand the child's personality, as some kids respond better to competition than others.
I am not saying this is easy, but some parents don't even bother to try.
And, honestly, I'm suspicious of the term "intellectual peers," because the meaning of that phrase is so subjective. Like-minded about Magic or Minecraft? Yeah, sure. Like-minded about the philosophical questions that bounce around inside many PG minds as a matter of course? Unlikely, even in a big high-achieving high school. Most of those kids are too busy just treading water.
I really don't see that. My daughter spends an average of 3-4 hours per day on homework and studying. Do you consider that a lot? Weekends are mostly free for activities. She has also pleasantly surprised us by being one of the top students in the class (it's even possible she is #1 but again our school doesn't rank students and kids don't discuss grades much). Her friends that are also among the top students spend about the same amount of time. They certainly have time to go out as a group at times, some of them date, and they all spend a lot of time on Facebook.
