I've always been thankful that I had this kid on my side. I've worked to keep us on the same team, and I am sure, that if she hadn't yelled at us the 30th time she peed on the floor and we said, "ok, let's go to the potty", if we hadn't listened when she finally lost patience with us and yelled, "I'm doing this to make you mad!" AT 18 MONTHS! That was when I threw out those parenting books and realized we were on our own.
I guess one thing is to see it as a process, not something you fix. You are shaping your child, taking what's important and integral to the child, mixing that with what is needed to be a decent human, and adding a little of the oil of societal expectation, and trying to aim your child in that direction. Your child could always be further from the path as well as closer to the path, and it's likely your child will veer well off then get back on. As long as you keep your eye on the goals and check with yourself to see if you are progressing, you are good. If your kid gets mad and then retaliates, what is that doing? Is that boundary testing? OR Is it a reaction showing your child doesn't have self control and needs more help in learning how to benefit from your discipline? Is it a sign that your child needs more control over what they do? Is it a reaction to noxious sensory experience? Same goal, different methods, depending on what your kid needs.
Yes. This. All of it-- except that sometimes she
isn't on our side when her agenda and ours diverge-- and in those instances, we rely on MY parental gut, because like Dude and his DD, I happen to have the operating manual for DD's brain.
I often know
exactly what she is thinking. That's not to say that it is always rational, by any means-- just that I have insights into her behavior (and often know on a gut level when it's voluntary versus involuntary/maturity stuff) that my DH lacks.
