DH sometimes gets into shouting matches as if he actually were thirteen or above and I have to calm them both down.
About that... I heard a psychologist say once that shouting is a fear response due to a feeling of losing control. Anytime I find myself ready to shout at my DD, I try to think about that. What do I have to fear? I'm the one with all the power in the relationship, unless I do something stupid and give it to her (like, say, making it easy for her to manipulate me into anger).
I also think about the time when she was a month old and colicky, nothing would settle her down, it was two in the morning, and I had to be able to think coherently at work. After having tried everything for about an hour, with no success, my patience ended, and I shouted, "WHAT?!", and her screaming escalated. Lesson learned.
DD9 is mostly compliant and a pleaser, though naturally she saves her worst behavior for home. DW and I are guilty of having made DD the center of our universe, so that can cause ego issues. Every once in a while I have to remind her that I'm her parent.
Just this last week, she decided to be a butt about brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed. One day she said she wasn't going to do it, and I just shrugged, and said that's fine, I'm not going to read her a story. She did it again the next night, and I said we're not going to have this conversation, brushing is not optional. The third night, I just told her I didn't want to play this game every single night, it's not fun. No issues since. In all three cases, the argument was over in two sentences in a normal tone.
