For example, yes, I have held my child down to medicate her against her will. Yes, I have.
She refused several nights running, and she was warned. She didn't cross that line again. She has autonomy over it as a result of demonstrating her compliance with what is necessary and prudent.
I only had to brush her teeth FOR her a couple of times when she was about seven, and she got the picture. Non-negotiable. She wanted to NOT do it, and make no mistake-- this was a power struggle.
The thing is, they are still children, and we are still supplying wants in addition to basic needs. This isn't rocket science at that point-- we always have leverage as a result of that power imbalance. I mean-- how is a 7yo going to get to a preferred activity if we refuse to permit them to go as a result of being treated like scullery maids?
I don't fear power struggles with my daughter-- I expect them. She is who she is. I am still the parent, and she needs to understand that entering a power struggle with someone who has authority over you is generally a losing proposition. So I've taught her that-- as lovingly as I possibly can. Better me than her first boss or her research advisor, right?
She has learned to rein in her mouth, keep her feelings to herself when appropriate, and to apologize well. Those are pretty essential life skills, and they mark her as a teen that has a maturity about her that adults really appreciate. She reaps the rewards pretty frequently with opportunities that others aren't given, and she knows that there is a connection to her circumspect and non-egocentric behavior, which is unusual among her agemates.
For a PG kid, that is a HUGE payoff.
