As an in between example, I use the MON approach, backed by an educational advocate. I work to build a relationship with the principal and teachers, talk about the weather with them, chit chat about their kids, and show myself as being a positive member of the school community. But when I've got things I don't think I can bring to the principal directly, I have her do it. My approach is slow, but it works for my family and in our school system.
As Pemberley points out, different approaches work for different people. Each school has its own culture. MON and Pemberley lay out two approaches that have been effective for them and their school systems. It really does help to understand how things function in your school building. Do you have anyone you can talk to? My first understanding of how to work with the school - what works, what doesn't, who will view my comments positively, who wouldn't - came from the mother of a child with significant disabilities. She approached me, knowing we were in need of help, but since then I've been more and more comfortable approaching other parents to pick their brains about what works and what does not. It doesn't need to be a parent dealing with the same constellation of abilities/disabilities, just a parent who speaks ETR/RTI/504/IEP jargon fluently and is on a first-name basis with intervention staff.
