Moomin, I hear you. This is really hard.
Do you have a private psychologist? (who does the CBT?) In your shoes I would get whoever has the best professional handle on your DD's situation and have a long talk with that person about what you are seeing, and what educational placements would allow the development of coping skills/behavior improvement.
I can see that regular kindergarten will be more of the same unless you can get it set up in a truly different way, and HK's and Mum3's comments make sense to me. I just suspect that your DD will take command of the homeschooling situation and make it what she wants it to be (and therefore not have to work on the difficult skills she needs) unless you set it up *really* carefully.
Have you considered medicating for the anxiety? Some people won't consider it for a child, I know, but for our DS it made a world of difference in his ability to learn to cope. He still had to work to manage his anxiety, but it went from un-doable to doable.
DeeDee
