I usually sit and nod through everything DeeDee says, and also PolarBear, but oddly this time I find myself in the opposite corner. I have a girl with Aspergers, it was excruciatingly difficult to get her diagnosed and happened only because I drove the process (and read and researched myself half to death). I get EXACTLY how hard it is to peg Aspergers in a gifted girl. But I am just not convinced you are looking at Aspergers/ASD. You certainly COULD be dealing with ASD, but I am not convinced. I also usually fall on the side of dealing with social problems by tackling them (ie keep the child at school). But this time I agree with HowlerKarma. I would be pulling her out while it is YOUR choice and not let her drive you to it.
For that reason, I think that it might be wise to consider whether or not homeschooling is the best choice PRIOR to actually sending her into the classroom environment. That way it isn't her solution-- it's yours. The educator side of things may see little difference there, but if you're right about her manipulation of the situation, I think that there is a HUGE difference between "my parents opted for homeschooling" and "I was a problem in school and so now I'm homeschooled."
It really seems like if you possibly can taking a break from environments that aren't working, it might be a good idea to try getting on a more even keel and then hopefully trying again when she is more mature and possibly you are more in control (as compared to therapists or teachers that she can run rings around).
I do think long term getting into a school environment is a good idea, but you are talking about a child who is radically advanced, even in the context of this board, and one who is at the age when being that advanced is MOST difficult in a traditional school environment (the first years of school suck for almost all gifted kids) and she's responding to that frustration in a manner that is atypical of her gender.
In general terms it's more common for HG+ girls to blend and for the kids that JUST.CAN'T.STAND the miss-match and act out hyperactively/violently to be boys. She's acting like a boy with ZERO tolerance for a radically miss-matched environment (and yes I know Aspie children can be less obviously gendered, or cross over their gendered behaviours). My question is, how would everyone's responses differ if she were a boy? Would she be more likely to be labelled ADHD? Would she be more likely to get the ASD label if she behaved EXACTLY the same or would they still say no ASD? Would it be easier for people to say "It's just SO HARD for 4yr old boys to tolerate being bored out of their minds, they're too busy and active to sit through abject boredom..." or "Its just so hard for 4yr old boys to realise that they are the smartest person in the room and not know how to deal with their feelings of being unsafe and out of control because at 4 they should not be the one who's 'in control'"?
