I have an answer to your quandary: don't follow the shool's terrible advice! It is clear that the only parties benefiting from the recommendations are the school staff. Your child is learning that his thoughts and feelings don't matter to his teachers. By adopting their damaging recommendations, he will learn that he can't count on you, either.

You are the parent and have ultimate say over what parenting philosophy you adopt. This is your choice. I urge you to return to the open and supportive communication that you clearly prefer.

What is to give light must endure burning.