Originally Posted by ElizabethN
Overarching idea: Kids do well if they can. If they melt down, it's not because they are defiant, it's because they can't do whatever it is they are being asked to do.

Taking a generalization and treating it as axiomatic rarely leads to success.

Sure, a kid might melt down because they can't do what they're being asked. Or:

1) They just think they can't do it.
2) They don't want to do it, and melting down is a deliberate act, because it has been proven to be a useful avoidance strategy in the past.
3) There's a physical problem involved (tired/sick/injured/uncomfortable/etc.).
4) There's a negative emotion involved (fear/anger/boredom/resentment/embarassment/etc.).

And that's just off the top of my head, feel free to add more.