Overarching idea: Kids do well if they can. If they melt down, it's not because they are defiant, it's because they can't do whatever it is they are being asked to do.
This fits with our (EA program) recent Autism training (applies to non-spectrum kids too) that behaviour communicates something. It's not defiance, but rather an effort to communicate a need or want (security, understanding, desire for avoidance or escape, etc etc).
We spent several classes analyzing behaviour: setting events (what the child brings to the situation, like poor sleep, hunger, etc); antecedent or trigger (what sets the behaviour off), function (what the child is trying to achieve with the behaviour) and consequence (did the child get what he/she wanted/needed). Awesome... very useful parenting stuff.
I'm guessing the collaborative problem solving aspect to Ross Greene's approach might be similar? I'm looking forward to reading the book.
