DD was identified as HG about five years ago. Neither my husband or I was identified as gifted and we never felt gifted. Quirky, intense and out of step, yes; gifted, no. When I stumbled on the concept of 2E while researching IQs, I put my forehead on the desk and cried. It explained soooo much of the pain and confusion I had experienced over the years.
DS9 is identified as 2e, but is not AS. He is HG and has ADHD, dyspraxia, dysgraphia and probably dyslexia, but definitely not AS. In fact, he may be one of the most popular kids at his school. Older kids come up and high five him and the little girls all bat their eyes at him (good looking kid, if I do say so myself).
I am pretty certain I am not AS. I am almost too sensitive to people's feelings and reactions to me. But that does not stop me from asking the questions I need answered, even if I know they are irritating, and I do not back down when I know I am right. I also have an intense dedication to fairness and truth, which seems to piss a lot of people off. I get along well with service people day-to-day, but sometimes have serious conflict with co-workers. I cannot go along to get along. I cannot give false praise. I cannot do things I know are stupid or poorly thought out for any length of time. I know that if I could, my life would be easier, but I cannot.
Coming to grips with m own 2e-ness has not been easy, but it has been a good thing overall. I can now step back from my behaviors and understand them. I used to believe that my intensity and hyper-focus was a serious personality defect that I needed to remedy. Now I see that it is inborn and what I need to do is manage how I direct it toward others. When I do that well, it can be a really positive force.
I also now compensate for my deficits without feeling totally humiliated by them. I have two really notable problems as an adult. One is that I am severely navigationally challenged (god I love my GPS) and I don't hear (figure/ground) very well. So when I am in a lecture or meeting situation, I know to sit close to whoever I think will be the main speaker, I take notes and I am not afraid to make people repeat if I need to. Before, I would not really understand much of what went on. When I need to drive somewhere new, I take time to figure out in advance as much as possible. Technology has made wonderful advances here, so this gets easier and easier for me to negotiate. But if I am carpooling with friends, and they wonder why I am using GPS for someplace I have been five times already, I am just honest. It is what it is. Before I would have driven solo so I could hide my disability.
So, in answer to your question, yes, I was clueless about the giftedness and the LDs before my kids were identified. I have not pursued any type of formal DX for myself, although I consider trying ADHD meds occasionally since they work well for my son. But just the insight I have gained about my own intensities and quirks has been hugely beneficial and improved my ability to function in the world.
From your post, it sounds like at least some of your issues are related to giftedness. But it is all extremely heritable, both the IQ and the LDs. If the kid(s) have it, there is probably some genetic predisposition inherited from the parents. I don't know what the research says about the AS, but I know that statistically, most families are pretty tightly clustered around a certain part of the IQ bell curve and that if a kid has ADHD, there is a strong probability that at least one parent has it too.
