Hi,
Before I begin my ramble, let me state my point up front: I want to know if you or your spouse was diagnosed with AS after your child was diagnosed? Did you discover that you or your spouse was highly gifted after your child was tested? Were you fairly clueless about your own issues before they came out in your child; as in, you never saw the issue nor did anyone hint at it, esp. in regard to AS? What are some of the red flags, in an adult, for either/both of these? (I've read the lists... just wondering from your own experience.)
Our son is presently having another evaluation to rule in or out Asperger's. In our initial consult yesterday, he laughed and told the doctor that perhaps I (his mother) should also be tested for AS. I had previously commented on how well I "get" my son and how much we think alike; and this is true, I really do get my child in a way that my dh doesn't; but I only have one child and I don't know if this is the normal type of "getting" that a parent does or if it's something else. (DS 8 is PG, FYI.)
At the end of our visit yesterday, I found myself sitting in a chair in the waiting room, stunned. The receptionist had become quite upset with me and had left the room, closed the door, and had a conference of sorts with the doc and the office manager. I was sitting there in shock because I had little clue as to what I had said or done that was upsetting to her. In my talk with the doc, she had recommended that we cut the three visits down to two visits since we're driving from a couple of hours away for the appt. The receptionist had apparently missed that just minutes before when the doc stood up front and repeated the instructions. When the receptionist tried to schedule us for multiple appointments, I politely asked her to make sure that *I* hadn't misunderstood the doc. I repeated twice that *I* may have misunderstood the doc (and truly, I was wondering if I wasn't confused). That's when she became angry with me, gave a sharp "I
will ask her," and marched out of the room. Bad day? I don't know, but I was in shock and wasn't sure what to do. When she came back, the doc and office manager just hung around and observed until I left. I felt a bit humiliated by it all, but I remained pleasant (and in shock).
As I thought about this and looked back over my adult life, I saw that this kind of thing seems to happen to me a lot, and it seems to have intensified in my late 30's. I ask questions that I feel that I need to know --like how many appointments we'll have or how long they'll take --and I get what seems like a "ruffled feathers" reaction. This doesn't happen with doctors; it only seems to happen with the ancillary staff. (It happens in non-medical situations, too.) My best friend suggests that my directness may threaten some people; I'm baffled by that. To me, it seems that if you have a question, you should ask it. If you're not being hateful or mean, where's the threat?
Yesterday's encounter really stuck in my brain, as did my son's comment about me being screened for AS. I have had so many social problems over the past few years. I live in a very rural area and have always attributed my conflicts to it just being a matter of thinking differently, but I'm not so sure now. I recently saw an interview with Temple Grandin and I thought to myself, "Other than the interesting clothing selections, she seems fairly normal to me!" I don't know how she would be in real life, of course, but the way she was laying it all out in this interview seems very much how I perceive my own self to be --very cut and dried or "Just the facts, ma'am." Could someone else give me a perspective on what they see in this video?
"Ten Minutes with Temple"I want to point out, too, that I am indeed an underachiever, by the academic standards of most. I have educated myself in whatever areas have interested me and have always felt that I could learn anything I wanted (except Calculus... not a mathy person at all!). I was the kid who had almost no parental involvement. My mom never had a clue what was going on with me, simply because she didn't ask. My dad was the same way. I did excel in just about everything, but I never learned to study; this was an issue when I went to college. When the college counselor looked at my ACT scores, she insulted me by suggesting that I might have cheated; no one with those ACT scores should be having the difficulties that I was having, she suggested. The problem, I think, was that I simply could no longer sit in class and absorb all of my microbiology, chem, zoology, etc. as I had in high school. I didn't know how to organize myself. I'm the only honors student I know from my high school who didn't graduate college. I am a senior in college, credit-wise, but never finished a degree program. (I did, however, love the variety of classes available to me! So many exciting things to learn about, but so little time, woo-hoo!)
So yesterday I looked back over my life and realized that while I've always had surface friends, I've generally been a loner. My own family has always said that I'm "different" from them. (I've secretly wondered if I was mixed-up at birth with their bio child! LOL) My mother couldn't tolerate that I was so highly emotional and "feeling," and I do recall a high school AP History teacher (whom I really liked) commenting on how intense and emotional I was. I'm all about justice and truth and doing the right thing and this seems to rub some people the wrong way. I do tend to hyper-focus, if interested in something, often losing a few hours and having no clue where they went. (Though, I rarely get to do this now that I'm a homeschooling mom.) I easily see things that others do not, and I don't mind at all sitting for hours on details that would drive some people crazy.
I don't know that I'm gifted, but my husband swears that I'm the smartest person he's ever met, (*cringe, blush*); I don't feel that way at all, truly. I was in honors and AP classes in high school, and I was identified as gifted in elementary school. My mom didn't sign the papers for me to be in the gifted classes, so that was the end of that. I can add that when I get to talk to my son's doctors, I feel such a sense of relief... like I'm talking with someone who thinks like I do. I know that may sound odd, but I see this same thing in my son; he reacts to intelligent people by perking up and talking "smarter." When he's around most people, whether adults or children, I usually perceive that he's dumbing down. I often feel that same way, but I thought that's how most people operated. Is it not?
As my son matures, and as I see so much of my own self in him, I am beginning to wonder if this is a gifted issue, AS issue, or something else in my own life. Are these the kinds of issues that highly gifted people deal with when engaging with the rest of the world? Does this sound more like Asperger's? Both, perhaps? I'm looking for some personal experiences and perspectives here.
Okay, that's all. I'm SO sorry that this is so long and so scattered. I'm just really in need of some input from others.
Thank you!
