Originally Posted by Mom2MrQ
Before I begin my ramble, let me state my point up front: I want to know if you or your spouse was diagnosed with AS after your child was diagnosed? Did you discover that you or your spouse was highly gifted after your child was tested?
When we/I realized that our dd13 was gifted when she was 6-7, it was an aha moment for me in terms of giftedness. That was what had been wrong with me my entire life as well.

Dh was dx with ADHD, inattentive before dd11 but as an adult and there are definitely a lot of similarities btwn the two of them. She is HG and he is probably a lot more intelligent than he and others give him credit for. I wonder about significant 2e issues for him (maybe a bit lower on IQ than dd or maybe just as high with more significant disabilities or just a poor upbringing/schooling for his needs).

Understanding what it going on with our kids has been great for introspection and, b/c they are both HG and possibly more than bare level HG (some of both of their scores are at, above, or very close to DYS level), I do wonder if one or both of us is more than the MG I've assumed of myself and the slow that dh has assumed of himself.

No one in our family is on the autism spectrum, though. I am answering this b/c some of what you say about yourself is true of me and I am as confident as I can be that I do not have an ASD.

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...I really do get my child in a way that my dh doesn't; but I only have one child and I don't know if this is the normal type of "getting" that a parent does or if it's something else. (DS 8 is PG, FYI.)
As the parent of two kids, I can say that I don't "get" both of my kids equally. Dd13 is a lot more like me than is dd11. I don't get dd11 very well at all but I try really hard b/c I love her tremendously. Loving and understanding are not the same, though. I don't want her to feel like the odd duck out as I did growing up.

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...In my talk with the doc, she had recommended that we cut the three visits down to two visits since we're driving from a couple of hours away for the appt. The receptionist had apparently missed that just minutes before when the doc stood up front and repeated the instructions. When the receptionist tried to schedule us for multiple appointments, I politely asked her to make sure that *I* hadn't misunderstood the doc. I repeated twice that *I* may have misunderstood the doc (and truly, I was wondering if I wasn't confused). That's when she became angry with me, gave a sharp "I will ask her," and marched out of the room.
I don't know, unless there was something to your tone that isn't being conveyed in words, I'd say that the problem in this instance is with the receptionist, not you. Especially b/c:

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...This doesn't happen with doctors; it only seems to happen with the ancillary staff. (It happens in non-medical situations, too.) My best friend suggests that my directness may threaten some people; I'm baffled by that. To me, it seems that if you have a question, you should ask it. If you're not being hateful or mean, where's the threat?
To me this may be a disconnect btwn a HG+ adult and adults who are of average intelligence or maybe even less. It doesn't have to be that you are on the AS, but maybe that you are a threat to them, like your friend suggests, b/c you are different due to your intelligence being drastically different than theirs.

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I recently saw an interview with Temple Grandin and I thought to myself, "Other than the interesting clothing selections, she seems fairly normal to me!" I don't know how she would be in real life, of course, but the way she was laying it all out in this interview seems very much how I perceive my own self to be --very cut and dried or "Just the facts, ma'am." Could someone else give me a perspective on what they see in this video? "Ten Minutes with Temple"
I haven't watched it yet, but I will. I will tell you, though, that I live in the community where Dr. Grandin works and I have both spoken to her and seen her speak at a community event. You are right, she doesn't come across as majorly odd other than her dress and hairstyle aren't very feminine or typical. However, she's the first to acknowledge that she has learned over the years how to interact and act in a way that makes her fit into society. How she comes across now is a result of a lot of work.

For instance, when I saw her speak at a fundraiser, she was on stage and there was some feedback from the AV equipment/microphone. She was able to stay calm about it on the outside, but flat out stated that that type of noise was horrible for people with ASD. OTOH, my dd13 has some sensory issues as do I and I found it irritating as well.

I think that the differentiation btwn Asperger's sensory issues and just HG+ sensory issues might have something to do with how hard the person on the AS has to work not to melt down over them and how aware the person is of how odd s/he appears when melting down. HG+ people with sensory issues know (at least dd and I do) how they come across socially and if they are looking like oddballs for crying or blowing up over noise or frustration. They can read other people.

People with ASD, from what I understand, have to be explicitly taught to understand how they come across and cannot easily read social cues, tone such as sarcasm, and facial expressions.

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So yesterday I looked back over my life and realized that while I've always had surface friends, I've generally been a loner. My own family has always said that I'm "different" from them. (I've secretly wondered if I was mixed-up at birth with their bio child! LOL) My mother couldn't tolerate that I was so highly emotional and "feeling," and I do recall a high school AP History teacher (whom I really liked) commenting on how intense and emotional I was. I'm all about justice and truth and doing the right thing and this seems to rub some people the wrong way...

I don't know that I'm gifted, but my husband swears that I'm the smartest person he's ever met, (*cringe, blush*); I don't feel that way at all, truly. I was in honors and AP classes in high school, and I was identified as gifted in elementary school... I can add that when I get to talk to my son's doctors, I feel such a sense of relief... like I'm talking with someone who thinks like I do. I know that may sound odd, but I see this same thing in my son; he reacts to intelligent people by perking up and talking "smarter." When he's around most people, whether adults or children, I usually perceive that he's dumbing down. I often feel that same way, but I thought that's how most people operated. Is it not?

As my son matures, and as I see so much of my own self in him, I am beginning to wonder if this is a gifted issue, AS issue, or something else in my own life. Are these the kinds of issues that highly gifted people deal with when engaging with the rest of the world? Does this sound more like Asperger's? Both, perhaps? I'm looking for some personal experiences and perspectives here.
I pulled out just a couple things you wrote that didn't apply to me. Everything I left here sounds like me as well. I've grown tired as I've gotten older of hiding. I know who I am and I'm more comfortable in my own skin. Dh has suggested that I leave my Master's degree off my resume, use lesser vocabulary in interviews, etc. b/c I've had a hard time finding satisfying work. I've also had a few people tell me in job interviews that they felt the work would be too boring for me or I was too intelligent. I've come to the spot where I realize that I may be shooting myself in the foot by being myself, but I don't want to spend my life being someone I'm not so I'm going to keep presenting my true self and hope that it is the right fit somewhere.

I'd say that most of the issues you present seem to be pretty on par for the norm for HG people. I can't comment, like I said earlier on ASD b/c I don't have experience with that beyond knowing a few people through the years who are on the AS. They do look different, though, than typical HG. I don't know from the inside how that experience differs from straight HG difficulties, though.

Last edited by Cricket2; 04/12/12 07:42 AM. Reason: messed up quote