I was a single parent from the time by daughter was three until she was eleven. I worked a lot but could not afford a babysitter after she turned 10. She had to do things for herself and I think maybe she felt more like an adult because of it. She didn't get along with her stepfather and even though she adored her new baby brother I couldn't talk her out of leaving as soon as she graduated high school. Now, even though she doesn't have a college degree she is making more money than some people with masters degrees in a job that usually requires a degree in sales and marketing. She is smart and had the right experience so she got the job. She is outperforming the people with the degrees. I remember all the phone calls I used to get from her teachers about how she wouldn't turn in her work and spent too much time socializing. Because she was very independent she would only spend her time doing what she wanted to do. I can certainly see how being independent is good in some ways, but in other ways...
My 12 year old son is different. He has to wear a scoliosis brace which makes it difficult to pick something up off the floor, to sit on the couch, to ride in the car, to breathe. The velcro straps, which fasten in back, come undone easily when he moves. There are so many things he can't do now and I don't give him a hard time about it. He has enough to deal with. We are focusing on academics for now. Even that is hard when he has migraine headaches, but medication helps with that if we are willing to put up with the side effects likes sleeping 12 hours a day and then still feeling like he is under the influence of the amitriptylene for a while after that.
He will have to take a crash course in independence when he no longer has to wear the brace--in three or four years.
