Hi amazedmom,
The flapping/finger wriggling, the being "locked in" along with tantrums when her "lock" is challenged, the heavily scripted play-- these are characteristic autism spectrum traits. (My DS, 8, has Asperger's.) I don't think you can say for sure without an evaluation, but I think it's very much worth looking into. It's far better to know early.
I think you should consider having your DD evaluated by a neuropsychologist or a developmental pediatrician when you are next in a geographical position to do that. (Make arrangements for this early: qualified specialists often have enormous waiting lists.) We found it helpful to use the autism center of a children's hospital; other have had success with private practitioners.
I recommend Bashe and Kirby's book The OASIS Guide to Asperger Syndrome, and the OASIS website (
http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/Home.aspx ), both of which were a lifeline for me.
Sohn and Grayson's book Parenting Your Asperger Child is also very good and deals with the phenomenon of being "locked in" (my family calls it "stuck") and how to stop those tantrums by building the skill of flexibility.
Stanley Greenspan's Floortime book is also good for helping build appropriate play skills and flexibility. There is a lot you can do on your own as a parent, even far away from institutional resources.
DeeDee
